reflections off the water

messing up pizza or how i feel emotions deeply and what that means

i took charge of pizzas at a friends house this weekend. we had three pizzas and i figured i’d save a little time by cooking them at the same time and just add a few minutes. final score, 1 pizza burnt, 2 quasi-raw. who knew where the night would go from there.

one person, while pointing her finger at a pizza with a piece pulled back to expose the burn said,”the pizza is burned!” as the night went on, she made two more references making sure to mention getting a piece from the “burnt pizza”.

another person boldly stated that more than one pizza can’t be done at a time. where the hell were you when I put the pizzas in the oven? I know I made a mistake; I didn’t need the constant reminders.

mistakes. were made, move on. i wish I could of said this and had it sink in before everyone got in their words else wise.

if only the night ended there. unfortunately, it did not.

you see, i experience emotions deeply, especially the bring-me-down emotions like sadness, anger, and frustration just to name a few. i don’t just feel sad about the mistake i made with the pizza, i felt, beat, battered and bruised by some for the mistake i made. i felt like i just ruined the day for everyone and i’m wondering what the hell am i still doing here.

the deep emotions caused me to be totally and completely disconnected. a movie played on the tv. with plenty of room on the couch, I chose to sit in a dining chair insuring a physical disconnection. I’ve seen the movie before and enjoy it, but I just couldn’t get into it. it played but it didn’t sink in. to make the point, this happened 4 days ago, and I can’t remember what movie we watched.

i experience emotions deeply and i recognized them as a blessing and a curse. these deep bring-me-down emotions must contribute to my depression. what if I could have had a reaction like water off a duck? i wouldn’t of felt awful leading to a total disconnection. the day could have at least ended up flat instead of the downer day that it had become.

if enough of these events build up, who wouldn’t experience a down feeling. and if these events pile up, it would take an army to beat back the depression.

so pizza, sometimes a blessing but this time a curse. i felt too deeply and it became a big drag on this little corner of my life.

8 thoughts on “messing up pizza or how i feel emotions deeply and what that means

  1. blahpolar

    Bipolar empathy is definitely a double edged sword and even the people who love our attention to detail, seem to get pissed off by it regularly too. And you’re right, pizza really isn’t important enough to warrant a whole evening of snark.

    Reply
    1. bipolarsojourner Post author

      damn straight on an evening of snark.

      what’s your thought, does your deep experience of emotions contribute to your depressive cycles?

      don’t know if you took part in the poll i put up yesterday. if not, please do so. it will help me gather some data to clarify my understanding of this crazy beast.

      Reply
  2. Pingback: tying together some seemingly random strings | bipolarsojourner

  3. Pingback: birthday party | bipolarsojourner

  4. Pingback: birthday party # dos | bipolarsojourner

    1. bipolarsojourner Post author

      yea, that is sad. though, i am learning that feeling deeply is a function of depression. i went through a med change recently and i am doing better. in this state, I find it easier to sluff off stuff like this were it isn’t mine.

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s