clouds rolling by…

tying together some seemingly random strings

a little while ago, i did a poll about if people feel emotions deeply. 6 answer definitely doesn’t qualify as statistically significant, but the results did not surprise me. 1 person experienced both pick-me-up emotions and bring-me-down emotions deeply, the other 5 people only experienced bring-me-down emotions deeply.

why do the results not surprise me? i make the assumption that the people who answered struggle with one form of depression or another. we, the depressed, tend to feel emotions deeply. for example, remember my burnt pizza? or what happened with my sister. since these emotions are felt deeply, it takes longer to recover. since it takes longer to recover, we spend more time living in these bring-me-down emotions. these bring-me-down emotions, well, bring us down. if too many of these deep emotions stack up, slipping into depression becomes remarkably easy.
feeling emotions deeply is not wrong. not feeling emotions deeply would be like telling a race car driver not to press the gas peddle. i believe to recover from these emotional drops, i need to work on acceptance. just realizing acceptance as a key, lifted a weight off my shoulder. with that, the insurmountable barrier i had been trying to get around since what happened with my sister, suddenly became surmountable. to bring this full circle, i remember mistakes were made, let’s move on, ties acceptance in a tight little bow.

6 thoughts on “tying together some seemingly random strings

  1. Nikki

    I was the only one that felt both deeply. . That surprises me a little. Interesting results.

    Reply
  2. Anxious Mom

    I just added in a vote…was part of the “bring-me-down emotions deeply” category.

    It can be so hard to move on, can’t it? And sometimes even when you (well, I) think accepting and moving on has happened, sometimes certain things trigger memories that just punch you in the gut, and you start all over again.

    I’m glad you were able to get part of that weight lifted of your shoulders. ❤

    Reply
    1. bipolarsojourner Post author

      oh, I even have a name for that; I call those primal wounds. those happen when someone does something that triggers a bad childhood experience. another person might get mad but i become super duper furious. that’s because someone just unknowingly ripped a scab off of an old wound. because of the pain, i seriously strike out. they sit there, after a vicious attack, wondering why such a little action could cause a big reaction. the seemingly over reaction comes not from the current event, but the pain from the childhood event.

      i have about 5 main primal wounds. one is being left to grow up on my own even though i had two parents and six siblings in my household. to boil that down to one word, i would say abandonment. my sister recently exposed that wound when she essentially emotionally divorced herself from my current situation when simply attempted self care.

      what I do is keep a watch for those massive over reactions; they are indicators of a childhood wound. I then ask myself, what wound just got exposed. i then take a moment to mourn my childhood loss. then I apologize to the other person and try to help collect their body parts that i have just scattered everywhere. sometimes that takes a few day because i feel livid causing my world has become cloaked by the childhood wound.

      Reply
      1. Anxious Mom

        My husband tries to keep me in check about over reacting to things. Most of it comes down to things like you said, namely abandonment.

        Reply
  3. bipolarsojourner Post author

    sometimes my wife is the trigger and that happens far to often for my likening. she’s getting better though.

    sometimes i go off like a thermonuclear bomb. i don’t recognize that until after when i notice all the people around me are decimated.

    Reply

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