as i often do, when i see a new reader like or comment about one of my posts, i go read some of their work. having gotten a like from silent amour. i checked out one of her post. in regrets. she states, “they say that if you truly love someone, you can never really unlove them.” reead more about love and frienship
the lion don’t sleep tonight
and if you pull her tail she roars
ya say, “that ain’t fair”
ya say, “that ain’t right”
ya know what i say, “up yours!”
audrey ii little shop of horrors
i talked to a mom friend of mine. she has an eight year old daughter getting shunned on the playground. one instance, she wanted to play with a friend. her friend was playing with someone else. the third girl said, no, i’m playing with her. the friend’s daughter walked away alone.
not surprisingly, the daughter struggles with self-esteem. mom asked me what she could do. (we’re going somewhere with this.) i said the daughter needs to learn to stand on her own. mom asked, “but how?” in that moment, i had an epiphany.
there is the long established gratitude diary. people who write in a gratitude diary usually write about 3 things they are grateful for. this helps them to reframe their life, since they take the time to recognize the often overlooked things they miss or don’t recognize.
gratitudes live primarily in the present or the past. “i am thankful for the blue sky, we have today,” would be an example of a present gratitude. “i am thankful for the gift that i received,” would be an example of a past gratitude. though not as common, future gratitude exists, too, with statements like, “i’m thankful that grandpa is coming to visit.” i see gratitude as a mostly current or looking back convention.
for a book i am working on, i have been exploring hope, what it means and how to express it. i see three primary expressions of hope.
- encouragement: i see encouragement as a work or action that serves to reengage someone’s drive. hope through encouragement comes in the form, “i know you can finish that project of time.” that is a expression of hope, hoping for the timely completion of the project. this is primarily an action of the future.
- acknowledgement: i see an acknowledgement as any statement or action that helps someone feel better about who they are and where they are in the moment. an acknowledgment might be, “i like you were able to put your head down and finish that project.” since acknowledgment are in the moment, they are mainly in the present.
- affirmation: i see affirmation as a positive statement of someone’s qualities , abilities or characteristics. “you do a really good job with your woodworking.” while a statement of the past or present, the recognized quality, ability or characteristic likely isn’t going away anytime soon. “you have a pretty smile”. hopefully the smile isn’t going away and carried into the future.
so hope is from the far end of the time spectrum as compared to gratitude with overlap. i’ve also observed both with myself and others how depression has the ability to rob both hope and gratitude. the struggles with hope and gratitude are not restricted to people facing depression, but more of a societal problem. many people, me included, have a hard time expressing gratitude or feeling hope. without those, people not only miss the good that has happened to them, but also discount the capabilities toward good they possess.
while gratitude gets a set of importance through the many people who do gratitude diaries, hope doesn’t get the same seat at the table. i would say looking forward carries the same importance as looking back. with that in mind, where are all those hope journals?
my challenge to you: if you do a gratitude journal, i honor you. there’s a little more to be done. let your gratitude diaries serve double duty also noting three of your hopes, whether it’s a hope tomorrow, next week or even next year. if you’ve done either, it’s time to look at the good that has come to you and the capabilities toward good that you have. don’t let the emptiness caused by the lack of hope and gratitude cloud what you have did and what you can do.
so, you up to it? are you ready to recognize the hope and gratitude that is in your life? try it, it may make a world of difference.
how do you define depression? how do you describe depression? how do you explain depression? how do you tell your friends what it is like to be depressed? those are hard question.
i continue to sing the praises of the pixar movie, inside out. i have made so many fruitful discoveries since i saw the movie. it has been a powerful and learning process for me since seeing the movie.
for those of you who don’t know, inside out is about the emotions living inside the head of an eleven year old and how those responses color her world. i still shake my head in amazement that a supposed “kids” movie could do such and excellent treatment of emotions and emotional responses.
on sunday, i went to a depression support group in the early pm. in the mid-am, i sent a text to a friend saying, “i’m looking forward to seeing you.” that’s all. nothing more.
the bowels of society are great places for engineers. engineers have become an all too common occurrence in today’s society. they like to fix things. they build bridges. repair roads and erect buildings. all of these require discovering solutions in order to get things done.
sometimes people fall in to the role of an engineer when it comes to human relationships. they like to fix things or find solutions. someone talks about something going on in their life, some problem and the engineers start offering up solutions, suggestions and/or fixes. they start using phrases like, “have you thought about…?”, “have you considered…?”, “have you tried…?” all of these are attempted fixes to the problem or the situation.
calling all insomniacs. you know who you are. want to fall asleep more quickly?
read in to find out how
maybe you think a counselor could never help you with your mental disorder or you’ve come to the conclusion that you and your current counselor just don’t fit. i have found, like just about everything in my life, some counselors have worked for me and others, not so much.
my friend liked to use the analogy for life as travel during rush hour. in life you creep along in the heavy traffic, stuck in the crawling traffic. sure, you’ll be able to make it through life, and eventually you will make it to your destination, but at a slower speed.
now, put a decent counselor in your car. with two people in the car. you’ll be able to use the carpool lane. since travel in the carpool lane moves faster, you will get to your destination more quickly. dealing with less stop and go traffic, you’ll arrive in a more relaxed state of mind.
a good counselor helps you deal with life. they can help you live life in a more healthful manner. they also can give you new tools. these tools can help minimize the emotional problems that seem to always creep up in life.
if you don’t have a counselor, wouldn’t you like to get “there” more quickly? wouldn’t you like to handle the emotional speed bumps that always seem to be in the way? that’s what a good counselor can do for you.