clouds and sunlight

it is there

you know what i hate about depression?
where ever i go
it is there

as i lie in bed
thinking of facing the day
it is there

as i wonder
what i can accomplish today
it is there

as i try to write
and nothing flows
it is there

as i talk to friends
trying to be a support
it is there

my wife is having a tuff time
dealing with me
and needs to get away
she gets some escape but
it is there

a could go for a walk
in the nearby woods
it is there

i try to escape
or try to hide
it is there

the thought of working
of getting out of my isolated shell
it is there

as the emotions inside
stay right where they are
it is there

as the emotions flow
and i want to cry
it is there

as i see beauty
in the world around me
it is there

as i drive
to head there or here
it is there

as i shop for dinner
for a special meal
it is there

as i go to meetings
getting the support i so need
it is there

as i think of jimmy sitting across the room
and how fortunate that he’s still here
it is there

as i ponder the outcome
with the dermatoigist
it is there

as i thing about what to say
at an upcoming appointment with my arnp
it is there

as i dream
of what might/could be
it is there

as i feel my energy
draining again
it is there

every respiration
in and out
it is there

every heartbeat
thump-thump thump-thump
it is there

from when i wake
to when i sleep
it is there

depression
please go away
i tire of you

purple berries…

i went to my dermatoigist

i spent the usual and customary 15 minutes in the front waiting room. the nurse came and got me. the walk to the exam was a long and winding walk. good thing they had cheese in the examine room, otherwise we mice would have never found it.

next, i had 2 or 3 minutes with the nurse. she asked the standard nurse type questions. she asked to see my neoplasm of uncertain behavior, or as i call it, noub. i showed it to her. she asked if i wanted a gown. i passed. off she went and i waited for the doctor.

The doctor arrived and we spent the first thirty seconds talking about my vibram five fingers shoes. the vibrams are almost always a a point of discussion. i had to wear them once as my formal shoes on a cruise. i forgot my formal shoes.


the doctor asked to see the noub. i hopped on the table and pulled up my shirt. while asking me how long i had the noub, he grabbed and antiseptic wipe. i told him as the wipe went across the back. he showed me the wipe and the noub. this will we anticlimactic. the noub ended up to be a scab. done in under 60 seconds and that’s with 30 seconds talking about my shoes.

don’t you hate when there’s a bunch of worry for no good reason at all?

rock in the water

my little global global

it’s been a long time in coming and i’d like to thank my mom, my dad, brothers, sisters, oh, and Mary, my wife. why? my leet award, 1337.


 leet is short for eleet and is original an award reserved for higher ups in the bbs , bulletin board, mostly pre-internet, era which granted them special privileges. in the wordpress world leet is achieved when a blog reaches 1337 likes for the blog posts.

after a bit of history, now back to your regularly scheduled posts.

another view of the tatoosh range

tip-toe through the tulips

we are fortunate enough to live about 1 hour from some of the largest tulips 🌷 field in the world. Mary, the boyz and i took a trip last friday. below are some pictures from our trip.
what’s your favorite?

bakery counter

tall red & yellows

red & white

tall reds

splash splash

deep red

peach & pink

purple & white

field of view

picture of barn

field o’ colors

sea of blue

daffodil

one of my favs

purple & red

red’s & purples

peach & blue

yellow tulips

smellin’ a flower

he went that way

feeling so alone

purple berries…

i’m little checked out

i may seem a little checked out right now. to some degree i have.

firstly, i’ve been fighting the idea that i am facing dysthymia, a chronic moderate depression. while far off the lows from my last depression, i am no where near to where i was before. i had smaller depressive variations throughout and for the last few weeks, i’ve been leading the wrong way. that sucks! click to find out more