support doesn’t fix a problem…
…but it makes it easier to face
support doesn’t fix a problem…
…but it makes it easier to face
i have a long and not so illustrious history with the field of dentistry. the first dentist would drill through the pain. The second believed in shame based dentistry. The third was my only saving grace. The fourth ripped the dental damn out of my mouth with the look of frustration on his face because i was unable communicate through the damn with a partial numb tongue.
1 for 4, that barely keeps me in the big leagues. hopefully, that explains while it has been twenty years since i last saw a dentist. Continue reading
i hate dentistry, brought on by 3 out of 4 bad dentist. isn’t the dentyne ad? 3 or 4 dentist recommend dentyne for their patients who chew gum. if not, it’s some where close but reversed. for that reason, it has been about 20 years since i stepped in a dentist office. tomorrow is root canal time. i’ve had one root canal done by the 1 out of 4 dentists who actually knew how to practice dentistry. supposedly i have a good dentist tomorrow. we’ll see. i’m still not looking forward to it.
Mary, knowing of my dental anxiety, announced she is taking the day off tomorrow in support of me. do you think i could put her in the chair instead of me? just asking. that would be great support. wouldn’t improve my mouth, though.
last week, with her statement of support, also made the gleeful declaration, “since i don’t have to go in early i can stay up late! which brings us to tonight.
Mary said she was a little bit tired. that might of been a bit of an under statement. her eyes closed for good at quarter to eight. even though sherlock has been up and down a few times moving between the couch and the floor, there still is no movement.
so, by the power in vested in me by no one in particular, since Mary gleefully wanted to stay up late, and since she was asleep by quarter to eight, i officially change the definition of late to quarter to eight. please adjust your clocks accordingly.
note: 3 out of 4 people who appreciate off kilter humor will appreciate this post for the humor that it is.
the lion don’t sleep tonight
and if you pull her tail she roars
ya say, “that ain’t fair”
ya say, “that ain’t right”
ya know what i say, “up yours!”
audrey ii little shop of horrors
i talked to a mom friend of mine. she has an eight year old daughter getting shunned on the playground. one instance, she wanted to play with a friend. her friend was playing with someone else. the third girl said, no, i’m playing with her. the friend’s daughter walked away alone.
not surprisingly, the daughter struggles with self-esteem. mom asked me what she could do. (we’re going somewhere with this.) i said the daughter needs to learn to stand on her own. mom asked, “but how?” in that moment, i had an epiphany.
what if someone snaps at you
or seems a little sharp
or seems a little or overly sensitive
maybe it’s not about you
maybe it’s about them
maybe they had a hard day
maybe their boss came down hard on them
maybe traffic sucked
maybe they have a full plate
maybe they are overwhelmed
maybe they do not know what to do
maybe they are flailing
maybe they are searching for direction
maybe they are having a hard time finding it
maybe they do not know where “there” is
maybe they do not know how to get “there”
maybe they see no way out
maybe they hoped things would be better off
maybe they feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders
maybe there was one more straw
maybe the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back
maybe it’s a cry for help
maybe you can answer that cry for help
a little grace and a little compassion
long time no write. i must warn you, i’m feeling down.
today’s my birthday. i feel reflective.
i feel down, way down.
uncertainty rules the roost, both in the near term and the long term.
in the short term, i’m having some interpersonal problems. a co-facilitator, someone i could trust, had three violations of my trust in one day. you might try to say well, it was just one day it’s okay;. it’s no biggie. it’ll blow over. don’t. they were totally uncalled for and hurtful. in an tempt to practice fairness, i got waylaid, bushwhacked, cut off at the pass, tanya harding-ed. i really want to resolve this, like by tomorrow. tomorrow is our meeting. i don’t want to go to the meeting where i’ll let here get away with some half-ass contrition that leaves me unresolved. i don’t want to go because it’s would scream there’s something wrong and i fear she may try to rush in to fix it with some half-ass contrition that will leave me feeling unresolved. i want more than an admission of wrong, i want an apology for the wrongs done, for the hurts the events have caused.
oh, sure i’ve been trying to get something lined up with the group coordinator. she’s been on vacation along with we just crossing paths, leaves a potentially short window in which to get things done. i do recognize about 5 potential outcomes and i have an action plan for each. doing that gave me incredible peace. i know and trust the coordinator to allow me to speak my peace and would stand by my side until i feel resolved. just that it’s dragged out so long and has the potential of dragging out even long kicked up the uncertain, uncomfortableness, and serious anxiety producing levels.
i have a support group that go to every second wednesday. today happens to be that day. i really want to go to the meeting to get support for were i am at. on the other hand, it’s my birthday; i can miss a day. on top of that, to top it off, there’s uncertainty of what Mary has planned for the day. normally, that wouldn’t be a problem if i were in a healthy state or even a depressed state. just finding myself in what feels like a transition state, takes this one tiny happening and adds it to the fires of uncertainty. i still can’t tell you what i want or will to do with this evening.
uncertainty begets uncertainty.
all this short-term uncertainty have got me asking the three deadly questions: where have i been?, where am i now? and where am i going? being this mixed state has caused me to look at these questions with a little too much cynicism, pessimism and lack of optimism. in the past, i see opportunities missed, wrong decisions made, and unfulfilled potential. in the present, i feel lost, unresolved, inadequate, and afraid. with the future, i feel mostly afraid, afraid of what lay ahead, afraid if i can handle it and i finding myself asking the question, “how?’.
as the beetles say, they say it’s your birthday. i wish it wasn’t. all this uncertainty and the anxiety it generates casts a pall on the day. i know it doesn’t always happen, and i know it’s not likely not happening today, but i would like a day full of happiness, joy and peaceful and gentle reflection.