Monthly Archives: August 2019

blue boat getting away?

second life

i had an emdr session not long ago. i dealt with such fun emotions and feelings like loss of identity, being alone, loneliness, unloved; i began to cry.

then, something switched. i began to bawl. this time, they were tears of joy. my mind went to my friends. that’s a foreign idea to me. i never really had friends that really meant anything. now, i have a near double digit of friends that get it and share at a level that i had always desired.

yesterday, i went to a retreat. before i got 10 feet into the door, a friend greeted me with, “i want to sit next to you.” I felt blown away.

that’s my second life. in my first life, i would have sat in the far corner and hoped that no one would sit at my table. The thought of someone actually sitting with me, wouldn’t even cross my mind.

i started to think of all the second life people in my life. how if they were in a similar place, they’d speak of desire to be or sit with me.

as the day went on on i realized the love i see in my friends. if god is love and love is god, i felt closer to my god than i had in a long time.

not long ago, a friend started this cascade. they texted me and asked if I wanted to go to coffee. i had to look behind me and see if they were maybe pointing at someone behind me. Surely, the text had to be miss addressed. No, it wasn’t. i feel wanted and that felt special.

tonight, i had two friends think enough of me to contact me at the end of proverbial rope. that would have unheard in first life. these two are not unique in turning in good times or bad.

if goes with out saying my second life is full of people in which i share my life and in return, they share theirs. These friends give me a sense that i belong. while they can completely take away the pain of being alone and lonely in my first life, they remind me, today, in the here and now that those feeling don’t have to rule the roost, today