remember, if your struggles ever make you feel less than human…

your struggles don’t make you any less of a human, they only make you human.

it’s what didn’t happen

i sat on the couch sunday night
feeling fine as i could be
considering the current state of the wold around me
then out of the blue
it felt like i got knocked down four rungs or two

where did that come from
why did that arrive
when it things like that happen
it’s a little less enjoyable trying to survive

i asked the question of where and why
the answer eludes me
i just can’t grasp it
like that damn pesky fly

i pondered since then
and i’ve come up empty
i still look for that person
who bruised my left and right shin

a thought wandered through my mind
perhaps the reason i find myself in a tight bind
remember last week our adventure with jimmy
maybe that’s what caused my life’s small shimmy

events since then had been packed pretty tight
with something going on morning noon or night
sunday night was my first time to breathe
maybe that’s why i felt such a tight squeeze

so do i know a reason for the despicable moment
perhaps something else hides in life’s jellied filled donut
all i want is this feeling to go away
remove this new cloud with plenty of gray

talking to a friend they done tickled my mind
it really led to quite a big find
it wasn’t so much of what happen to jimmy
instead it’s what didn’t happen to jimmy

i lay with him while his breathe did struggled
my emotions only got pulled then tuggled
he look so much like a goner
it cause my heart to harden like a honer

sure it didn’t happen
jimmy’s still with us
no mess no muss
my heart still feels wacked by a rolling pin

sure i see him cross from here
but i can’t seem to shake the feeling of not having him there

the path from here is certain
this i must do
keep looking in all trade show booth
in search of the pesky ole fountain of youth

friendship-a special kind of love

as i often do, when i see a new reader like or comment about one of my posts, i go read some of their work. having gotten a like from silent amour. i checked out one of her post. in regrets. she states, “they say that if you truly love someone, you can never really unlove them.”

ese eye en kay-sink it

the continuing (and hopefully final) saga of our trials and tribulations of our sink.

recall in our last episode, our sink had been separating from the countertop for awhile only to have completely separate and drop. a new sink had been purchased. now let’s join in on this exciting adventure.

coming to terms with the thing that imprison me

have you ever noticed the spinning cycles of depression which seem to be there whether in cycle or not? I surely have.

sadness leads to sadness which leads to even more sadness. sadness seems to become an all encompassing self-fulfilling struggle.

fear leads to fear which leads to even more fear. fear seems to become an all encompassing self-fulfilling struggle.

my one, no two, no three sides to stigma

chrfull disclosure: this was a comment to a thought provoking post i hate stigma, it’s everywhere  from one of my new blogger friends my side of the pole.

stigma come from everywhere. they can come from the outside. in this case, they the oppressive nature the society puts on people with mental disorders. they can come from the inside. In that case, the personalization of the outside forces effect who we are internally and how we think about ourselves. the third side talks about what can be done to counter stigma.

we have nothing to fear…

don’t be afraid of dying
be afraid of the life unlived…

angus tuck (tuck everlasting)

does depression feed fear or does fear fuel depression?
does it really matter?
are they so tightly inter twined that they are nearly inseparable?
perhaps since birth?

no matter
fear makes it hard to get out of bed
get out of the house
interact with unknown people
try something new
say something that needs to be said
doubts your strengths
give power to your weaknesses
makes its hard to tell the truth
makes it hard to venture outside your comfort zone
go some where you have never been before
rue yesterday
doubt today
dread tomorrow
to boldly go where no one has gone before

fear is like a prison
it is a cold, dark and dank place
why is in so easy to lose the keys
or know how to find the way out

fear is the heavy chains that binds us
the simple task of lifting an arm or moving a leg reminds us
-remind us on how repressive fear can be and
is the chain that binds us and holds us back

fear unchecked
fear unchallenged
fear not taken head on
fear not faced
are the real crimes
acts seemingly so easy
but with out them life seems so hard

If only those things would be easy
life would me easy
and fear could evaporate
and depression would loose its housemate, its bed buddy, its best friend

then
depression would lose so much of its power
it would go shrivel up in the corner where it belongs
and we could be free again
oh to be free again

a little grace and a little compassion

 

what if someone snaps at you
or seems a little sharp
or seems a little or overly sensitive
maybe it’s not about you
maybe it’s about them
maybe they had a hard day
maybe their boss came down hard on them
maybe traffic sucked
maybe they have a full plate
maybe they are overwhelmed
maybe they do not know what to do
maybe they are flailing
maybe they are searching for direction
maybe they are having a hard time finding it
maybe they do not know where “there” is
maybe they do not know how to get “there”
maybe they see no way out
maybe they hoped things would be better off
maybe they feel like the weight of the world is on their shoulders
maybe there was one more straw
maybe the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back
maybe it’s a cry for help
maybe you can answer that cry for help
with

a little grace and a little compassion

compartmentalization

compartmentalization: divide into sections or categories.

i’m excellent at compartmentalizing-well as long as there is only one compartment. that’s a kind way of saying an amoeba probably does a better job at compartmentalizing than i do.

my mom’s contributions

parents always make contributions to their children whether good or bad. These are formative instances with my mom.