Monthly Archives: May 2015

rock in the water

looking for elusive fulfillment

After reading wish i felt best but I don’t-this time with passion, my friend had the nerve to give a gentle nudge and use my words against me.

…some things that could bring happiness and joy to you. what fills your tank, that helps you from not feeling drained…

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blue boat getting away?

is hate to strong of a word?

sometimes i really hate the chemical processes that goes on in my grey matter. let me explain.

i received training and now co-facilitate a nami connection group. these groups are set up specifically for people who face some kind of mental disorder so they can get together and discuss their issues as it relates to their disorder. i have been facilitating for about a month.

read on to find out why I hate my grey matter processes

wishing i felt better but i don’t—this time with some compassion

i shared my first pass of wishing i felt better but i don’t with a friend. she said i had a good use of words. i believe that she selected those words partly in case she had to lower the boom. she, in her usual gentle way picked out some the good she heard.

then, in her usual deft and gentle manner, she suggested that i come at this form another direction, coming from a direction of compassion, this time. by doing that, the chance of Mary hearing and accepting my message I want to send would greatly increase.image

initially, i had an internal battle with that idea. i want my cathartic feelings to be expressed; I wanted Mary to experience some of my gentle and subtle rage. but the war quickly ended and i begrudgingly came around to see the value of her point. below, find my second attempt to share with Mary, my current state of being, this time with at least an inkling of compassion.

this time with compassion

blue boat getting away?

wishing i felt better, but i don’t

Mary finds herself going through her you gotta get better stages. this is a cathartic note about the situation. kevin is a reference to my brother who recently went through a bout of cancer.
i wonder if kevin faced questions like, aren’t you done with that cancer, all you have to do is do this and you’ll be all better, don’t you think this cancer has gone on long enough? if only you worked a little harder you wouldn’t have this cancer. you know, this cancer is a little like an addiction.

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clouds rolling by…

depression is like a bowl of ice cream

(the opinions expressed here are mine and strictly mine. they come from my years of observation and do not have any scientific bases. take what you want.)

have you ever noticed the many flavors of ice cream? even sticking to the basics, you can have vanilla, chocolate and even strawberry. these three flavors represent 75% of the ice cream consumed. or perhaps these flavors can even get mixed together, like in the good old standby, neapolitan. that way someone can have a little of each flavor.

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coming out of a dream only to dream

imagethis happened to me.


i’m not  lying.

Mary and i are trying to plan for a talk we are going to at a nearby hospital. we both had our cars and want to take only one car to the talk. oh, and we find ourselves in different locations. i walk by a row of cubies at work. a mutual friend of ours offers me a ride to the talk. with that, Mary and i would only have one car at the talk and we can swing by and pick up my car afterwards. i inquire on if they are planning to head in that general direction to which they tell me no. i think that would be silly for them to go that far out of their way…

i awake. i check my clock. it reads 5:49. Mary and i lay in bed and begin a discussion…

that’s right, a dream within a dream!

I remember a movie a few years ago. a few people were being trained to insert themselves into other people’s dream. the process required quite a bit of work. in the movie, in order to prevent some dastardly deed, they needed to insert themselves into a dream into a dream into a dream and if i remember correctly, into a another dream. so, they were now three or four dreams deep. well, i’ve got the first insertion without even training.

one down, just another 1 or 2 to go!

a selfie

they just did a study in england. the results show that women from the age of 16-25 spend 5 hours a week taking selfies .

warning:dating myself-i don’t I’ve spend 5 minutes in my life taking selfies.