in my previous post, asking for help to find my blue sky, i asked one of my sister to practice acknowledgments with me. i explained what they were, gave her some examples and share the benefits with her .i got two replies from her. i found them to be disappointing. her replies will be indented; my thought will be out-dented. her two replies came within an hour of each other.
my sister sent me yet another email educating me on the mindfulness process. this time it came with a video.
the video has a premise that mindfulness is like living in blue sky. even in a hurricane, the blue sky is still there; it’s only a matter of finding the way back to it.
this is my response on how she could help me find a way back to my patch of blue sky.
my wife has been pushing exercise recently. I definitely comprehend and understand that exercise would be good for me. hell, exercise and diet alone pulled me through my first depressive cycle. right now, i just can’t find the motivation to exercise. that leaves me with the damned if i do damned if i don’t dilemma.
hello my friends in the web world,
as you might know, I have recently been diagnosed with a mental disorder, bipolar disorder. i have been through something like ten depressive cycles. i am finally seeing a good psychiatrist who hopefully will get me set up with some medications that will work for me.
societal misperceptions hold me back from freely sharing. if i had cancer, i would likely freely share on my struggles. same goes for a thyroid problem, a heart disease, a kidney or liver problem. that’s because there aren’t societal misconceptions about cancer, thyroid problems, heart disease, a kidney or liver problem; they are a disease, a disorder. let’s face it, mental disorders are that, too; a disease. one in four people struggle with some kind of a mental disorder!
there are problems that go with mental disorders. society has misconceptions about mental disorders. those misconceptions cause people to feel uncomfortable. fears of not being accepted or shunned cause people with mental disorders to “hide”.
it is time for me to try to break through the stigma, to get the support i need and hopefully many others like me. on may 18, i will be participating in a NAMI walk. NAMI is the national alliance of mental illness. they are a national group set up to advocate and support people, family and friends who struggle with mental disorders. this walk will help to support local NAMI chapters.
i am asking for donations in support of NAMI in the NAMI walk. your donations will go to help support the NAMI organization in snohomish county. you can make a donations set up at a url just for me at http://namiwalks.nami.org/sojourner. the website is setup to take cash, checks or credit card donations. if you are unable to give financial support at this time, that’s okay. i would still appreciate it if you could drop by the site and leave me a message of support, an “adda boy”, a “fight the good fight”, a “good for you”, a “bully for you”, or something else.
additionally if you have any questions about mental disorders, do not be afraid to ask. i may not know all the answers, but i am willing work with the resources i have to hopefully get you an answer.
thanks for your support as i continue my battle,
i hate were i’m at. this depressive cycle sucks! sucks, i tell ya. sucks! it really does.
i guess i should be thankful i’m not suicidal. why the hell not. this is the worst i’ve ever felt. my thoughts today went to leaving my life behind, all of it. finding a nice comfortable bridge to live under. now i understand why so many people with mental disorders end up on the street. somehow in my sick mind, that would make everything all better. sick i tell ya, sick.
i guess i’m thankful that i’m not suicidal. for that reason i know i’m not completely filled with despair. the despair needle has to point to something less than 100%.
what’s in the other part of the tank? the opposite of despair, HOPE. There’s got to be some hope there. that’s gotta be the reason i’m hanging on.
right now i feel a little like george in it’s a wonderful life,
“help me clarence. get me back. get me back, i don’t care what happens to me. get me back to my wife and kids. help me clarence, please. please, i want to live again. i want to live again! i want to live again. please God, let me live again.”
those societal misperceptions hold me back about freely sharing. if i had cancer, and blogged about it, i would likely freely share on my struggles. that’s because there aren’t societal misconceptions about cancer; it’s a disease, a disorder. let’s face it, mental disorders are are that, too; a disease.
that’s the dichotomy that goes with mental disorders. society has misconceptions of mental disorders. those misconceptions cause people to feel uncomfortable and cause people with mental disorders to “hide”. let’s face it; hiding is only one of the choices.
what if knowledgable, communicative people with mental disorder took the opportunity to educate people about mental disorder? those people they would touch would then be more knowledgable about mental disorders. if enough people where touched by those people, the societal misperception would slowly change.
that’s the challenge for me, bipolarsojourner.wordpress.com/anonymity/ and all the people blogging about mental disorders only to people with mental disorders. those societal misperceptions won’t change. but by opening up our communication to the masses, those societal misperceptions would decrease. of course, we have to bite the bullet and potentially be mislabeled a loonie, especially to the people we know but can’t educate.
perhaps there is another way. this is what I plan to do. i am going to put myself out in public where i am more or less anonymous. perhaps speaking to groups were there is some form of anonymity about the struggles we with disorders face, the societal misconceptions we face, will start to change society one group, one person, at a time.
so, my next challenge is to try to figure out situations were i could speak to groups and let them know of the struggles we as people with mental disorders face, the societal misconceptions that make us hide in fear.
i am open to suggestions. can anyone think of some ways i could find such groups? I could try to hook up with some nami.org groups, but I’d be preaching to the choir. suggestion?