Category Archives: bipolar

post related to bipolar disorder.

great blue heron

the blog name change

please don’t mind the dust as we finish our reconstruction.

you may have noticed i changed the name of the blog for bipolarsojourner to facing off with the big d. i have a few reasons.

  • i don’t have bipolar. my psychiatrist fed me a rushed diagnosis at the end of our first meeting. when i questioned him on our next meeting he said i don’t have bipolar but multiple cycles of depression like i have had experienced are best treated like bipolar.
  • i didn’t change the name of the blog at that time; i didn’t want to lose my many  followers (said with a bit of sarcasm considering current numbers and that was about 4 years ago with numbers much lower, about 25).
  • maybe i don’t play the game right, but i see other of my blogger friends that have been blogging far less time than me and they have followers numbers nearing or in the thousands. myself, i’m nearing 200 and might make it by june. (wahoo!)
  • hoping the facing off with the big d will be a little less scary than having bipolar in the title.
  • hoping for more click throughs of people teetering on a visit and snag them at that time.

It will still be the same writing style and hopefully stuff that people find interesting, intriguing, ingrossing(sp)(i wanted the tic tac toe, three i’s in a row),  helpful information. There will the occasional poems and posts about the crazy things the boyz do imageand why not they are an important part of my life.

 

stick around; there will be much, much more to come!

purple berries…

a quote from carrie fisher

“at times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of.”― carrie fisher, wishful drinking

debbie reynolds and carrie fisher

reflections off the water

we have nothing to fear…

don’t be afraid of dying
be afraid of the life unlived…

angus tuck (tuck everlasting)

does depression feed fear or does fear fuel depression?
does it really matter?
are they so tightly inter twined that they are nearly inseparable?
perhaps since birth?

no matter
fear makes it hard to get out of bed
get out of the house
interact with unknown people
try something new
say something that needs to be said
doubts your strengths
give power to your weaknesses
makes its hard to tell the truth
makes it hard to venture outside your comfort zone
go some where you have never been before
rue yesterday
doubt today
dread tomorrow
to boldly go where no one has gone before

fear is like a prison
it is a cold, dark and dank place
why is in so easy to lose the keys
or know how to find the way out

fear is the heavy chains that binds us
the simple task of lifting an arm or moving a leg reminds us
-remind us on how repressive fear can be and
is the chain that binds us and holds us back

fear unchecked
fear unchallenged
fear not taken head on
fear not faced
are the real crimes
acts seemingly so easy
but with out them life seems so hard

If only those things would be easy
life would me easy
and fear could evaporate
and depression would loose its housemate, its bed buddy, its best friend

then
depression would lose so much of its power
it would go shrivel up in the corner where it belongs
and we could be free again
oh to be free again

“Americans are absolutely divorced from nature in a way…”

how much does the dehumanizing behavior of today’s contribute to mental illness? my blog friend shoe1000 shares some thoughts around that.

I Dont Want To Talk About It

hillman“…and that accounts for that drug abuse.”  As I listen to my fellow “recovery” compatriots, I hear the same thing over and over.  We needed at one point in our lives to use our mind to mitigate or dissociate from events that caused us trauma.    This signaled to our mind that it was going to be it’s responsibility to make our lives safe.  Why did we have to do this?  I was talking with my buddy Willem3655 today and we were talking about that there never was an opportunity to go to our elders and tell them how confused, scared and unable to navigate our way a-day-outside-tyrol-austriathrough the the confusion and pain we were experiencing  in our life.
I was in a meeting this morning and all of the people attending had long time sobriety.  Yet the topics were shame, fear, confusion and psychological pain.  This is not to…

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wintery island

my self-care struggle defined

self care struggle—pain
another anxiety
lurks around corners
recently, followers have read about self care struggle and self care struggle-part deux. they had a common theme of self care seemingly going well and as planned yet the results were as if an emotional mine had gone off leaving emotional parts of me here and there.

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