Category Archives: bipolar

post related to bipolar disorder.

purple berries…

a quote from carrie fisher

“at times, being bipolar can be an all-consuming challenge, requiring a lot of stamina and even more courage, so if you’re living with this illness and functioning at all, it’s something to be proud of, not ashamed of.”― carrie fisher, wishful drinking

debbie reynolds and carrie fisher

reflections off the water

we have nothing to fear…

don’t be afraid of dying
be afraid of the life unlived…

angus tuck (tuck everlasting)

does depression feed fear or does fear fuel depression?
does it really matter?
are they so tightly inter twined that they are nearly inseparable?
perhaps since birth?

no matter
fear makes it hard to get out of bed
get out of the house
interact with unknown people
try something new
say something that needs to be said
doubts your strengths
give power to your weaknesses
makes its hard to tell the truth
makes it hard to venture outside your comfort zone
go some where you have never been before
rue yesterday
doubt today
dread tomorrow
to boldly go where no one has gone before

fear is like a prison
it is a cold, dark and dank place
why is in so easy to lose the keys
or know how to find the way out

fear is the heavy chains that binds us
the simple task of lifting an arm or moving a leg reminds us
-remind us on how repressive fear can be and
is the chain that binds us and holds us back

fear unchecked
fear unchallenged
fear not taken head on
fear not faced
are the real crimes
acts seemingly so easy
but with out them life seems so hard

If only those things would be easy
life would me easy
and fear could evaporate
and depression would loose its housemate, its bed buddy, its best friend

then
depression would lose so much of its power
it would go shrivel up in the corner where it belongs
and we could be free again
oh to be free again

“Americans are absolutely divorced from nature in a way…”

how much does the dehumanizing behavior of today’s contribute to mental illness? my blog friend shoe1000 shares some thoughts around that.

I Dont Want To Talk About It

hillman“…and that accounts for that drug abuse.”  As I listen to my fellow “recovery” compatriots, I hear the same thing over and over.  We needed at one point in our lives to use our mind to mitigate or dissociate from events that caused us trauma.    This signaled to our mind that it was going to be it’s responsibility to make our lives safe.  Why did we have to do this?  I was talking with my buddy Willem3655 today and we were talking about that there never was an opportunity to go to our elders and tell them how confused, scared and unable to navigate our way a-day-outside-tyrol-austriathrough the the confusion and pain we were experiencing  in our life.
I was in a meeting this morning and all of the people attending had long time sobriety.  Yet the topics were shame, fear, confusion and psychological pain.  This is not to…

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wintery island

my self-care struggle defined

self care struggle—pain
another anxiety
lurks around corners
recently, followers have read about self care struggle and self care struggle-part deux. they had a common theme of self care seemingly going well and as planned yet the results were as if an emotional mine had gone off leaving emotional parts of me here and there.

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fall on the way to kendall catwalk

a fellow co–journeyer leaves the nest

it brings me great joy to talk about a success story.
i have followed the path of a co–journeyer, lindsey,  a friend since i started attending a support group nearly a year ago.  her story sounded ugly.  as she started her journey with bipolar and living with her parents, about all she could do is stay in bed. that and tell her mom to, “fuck off!”, whenever mom came in the room. slowly she progressed. soon, she could leave her room for a shower and then return to her comfy confines. that’s all. those were the early lores.
i met her in the dbsa group in snohomish county.  i saw her as a feisty, head strong, young woman. when i met her, her travels snaked through the sometimes laborious process of dialing in the meds.  this med’s not working, this med’s causing a third arm to grow along with other potential side effects.
slowly she got those dailed in and a new woman began to emerge like a butterfly emerging from a cacoon. i remember one meeting in particular. the group discussed the potential of starting a teen age group. i turned to her and said,” hey, that would be a great group for you. she turned to me and with the greatest righteous indignation said, “i’m 23!”  i guess i know her age now. 🙂
last week at group, she announced that she and a friend were planning to move to another part of the state. she showed great, nearly unbridled excitement.
that night, a saw her greatest growth. as i meandered, post meeting, after a particularly crappy week, she approached me.  she asked, “how’s it going?” i replied, “it’s not.”  she answered, “yah, i could tell. i could see it in your face.” we went on to discuss the happenings of my week. she listened with a empathic ear, shining brightly, bringing me some comfort if only for a glorious moment. her journey had past a huge milestone.
lindsey’s travels had started in a bed, unable to get out, unable to let people in. from there she grew, learning about her triggers, her needs in life and what it would take for her to make a healthy life.  on that night, she burst open like a flower on the day of full maturity. she not only recognized someone else’s struggles, she reached out to help and found a way to offer comfort.
another week has passed. this week, i sadly heard her say that this would be her last meeting. i have grown found of lindsey.  her story is an inspiration to me and portal for me to look through on what my life could be.  you better come back on a regular bases like you said you would or i will hunt you down.  :^)
lindsey has begun to share her journey. her blog can be found at iNsiDe a mAniC dePrEssIve MiNd | this is my mind, these are my thoughts, this is how i cope, this is how i thrive, squirrel. stop on by and check out her journey.