Category Archives: checkin

seattle japanese garden panorama

sink…sunk

no, i’m not trying to conjugate a verb…
about a month ago, i notice our under the counter mounted kitchen sink starting to separate from the counter. i figured we’d have a while before things would get serious, so i just let it be. Mary noticed the gap and I told her we’d have to do something about it.

i did some research and under mount sinks. when mounted correctly, there is silicone to fill the gap between the sink and countertop and then clips to hold the sink in place. the thing is many installer, like ours, leave off the clips. then, when 7-10 years go by, it’s way past any warranty and the sink drops.

i woke up to the hopes and expectation to watch the rose parade. instead, i woke to, “stephen, the sink has completely fallen!” I when to check and indeed the sink had completely fallen. well, there goes the rose parade. I had done some research, so I went about the business of remounting the sink. i emptied all the stuff from under the sink and disconnected all the plumbing and freed the sink.

i wondered if maybe the sink got bent in the process of falling. yep, on the long axis it got bent about 5/8 in. holding in the center and pulling up on one end, i got the bend down to 1/8 in. try as i may, i couldn’t get the 1/8 in bend out of the long axis. i didn’t expect any bend in the short axis but i checked anyway. it too had an 1/8 in bend. since there would be no good pivot point on the short axis, there would be no way to bend it back to true. with the bend in both directions of the sink, even after i got it remounted, it would be always pulling away from the bottom of the counter. inventually, the continued pressure of the bend could cause another gap. the sink was toast.another $300 later, i had secured the same model of the sink. i wasn’t going to be like the previous installer, so i went about finding fasteners to physically attach the sink to the bottom of the countertop. a little bit of internet search and i discovered my options and went about finding the clip. on news years day, the existence of those clips turned out to be far less than a dime a dozen. maybe i just checked the wrong source but by the ned of the day, i hadn’t found any clip.

so, at the end of day 1, i have a sink, a hole in my counter were i want the sink to be, no way to physically and properly attach it, with the hope i’ll find it the clips at a local plumbing supply store. in absence of that, i know of a source of clips but i’d like to avoid the hour and half round trip, especially since jimmy has also earned a trip to the vet today.

day 2: after a grand total of 9 trips to different stores, i had secured clips. Mary got home late, so we’ll reattach the sink tomorrow.

image

tonight i realize i’m certain that i’m horrible as a depressed person

today Mary, my wife, wanted to make a special dinner in thanksgiving for a wonderful christmas we had. things didn’t go as planned.

the pears at the store weren’t ripe enough to make the dessert she wanted make. she texted me saying saying the house will smell great when i got home. it didn’t. it smelt like something had seriously burnt in the oven. insert foot in mouth, i vocalized that. the rib roast she got, from the butcher no less, turned out to be far less than stellar. at least the brussel sprouts turn out scrumptious. okay, call us weird; we both like brussel sprouts.

tonight, she turned into a true, died in the wool, inconsolable mop monster. she seem incredibly disappointed and sad. though i realize i’m suppose to be there, her mood is an incredible turn off. this will probably last all the way until morning.

compare and contrast to the deep part of my last cycle that lasted about 4 years. instead of day of mopiness, there were 1460 days of mopiness equivalence! that’s a long time of being down and out. it’s also a long time to be around someone who is down and out. no wonder she’d got short with me at times. it’s understandable. she really needs to be put up for sainthood for seeing things through to the other side.

no wonder wonder she took every opportunity to escape the hell hole that is my depression. mopey days that stretch on for far too long.

clouds and sunlight

the boyz christmas

Mary & i do not have children. that doesn’t mean that the day isn’t eagerly awaited by the boyz. the excitement start to build as soon as the presents start to come out. here’s a picture of our tree before present opening.


wait, where’s the presents under the tree? they are here, there on top of the entertainment center.

that’s a strange place, you may say. let me explain.

every year, their auntie sends them gifts. one year. we already placed the dog gifts up from previous dog gift experiences. one year, we thought we’d let them open their gifts. how cute.  after a couple of years we came home with some of auntie’s gifts to us, open. ah, the presents were guilty by association as they shipped with dog treats. more presents moved to the top of the entertainment center.

all seemed quiet for a couple of years. then…we came home to non-associated presents ripped open. what? the association with dog treats didn’t exists. we figured our boyz had been introduced to a drug, had it taken away and had to find a source. they were hooked. they needed their fix in whatever way they could. hence, all presents now live on top of the entertainment center.

that’s not to say the christmas is a bore. they still get to open their presents.

   
they will also wait in eagar anticipation as we  open our presents.

they even help open our gifts.


why? the love shread paper down to the size of a deck of cards. their work isn’t done until then.

here’s a video of the aftermath.

you may say, but i see some big pieces of paper in that video. yea, they have acquired a decerning taste. some paper just doesn’t pass muster. they know good paper from bad paper, or put another way, god drugs from bad drugs.

i close with my wish for you, a christmas full of gift not done up in ribbons and bows, gifts to big to hold, not a thing except in your heart. 

hang in there…a little tree hangs on to a rock

a chance to see what the world would be like without you

what if you could be like george bailey
a chance to see what the world would be like without you
have to ever been tempted
tempted by magic or witchcraft to find out
to find how the world would change without you?

for george
the town’s a wreck
the town’s name has been changed to not protect the guilty
a druggist a town bum
the friends he came to rely on…changed or gone
his wife how an old maid
a brother lost as a child in an icy pool
a transport of soldiers destroyed
many soldiers die

clarence the angel speaks his worlds of wisdom

each man touches so many other lives

george’s saving grace…zuzu’s petals
finally one up the crotchety mrs. potter
sam wainwright not such a pita after all…more of a savior
long live the bailey savings and loan
a gorgeous wife
three loving kid
one who plays a mean piano one with petals another who spells as well as i

a toast to my big brother, george
the richest man in town

what would clarence show to you?what lives have you touched?

imagethe quarter you lent to the man to fill a meter
though running late the woman you let pass in the crosswalk
your best friend from elementary
your biggest nemesis from elementary
your high school math teacher with mutual bouts of torture
your mother – your father
your true love
i’m sure the list is endless
maybe you are the richest man or woman in town

what did clarence say to turn you around?

another view of the tatoosh range

a good problem to have

i’ve noticed I’m physically colder this year compared to last. Where t-shirt weather use to be 39°, it is now 45°. i’ve also noticed i’ve thrown on more clothes, sooner as the temperature keeps dropping. Do you think the 30 pounds, 2.1 stones for the brits out there, since this time last year, now weighing less than i did in by junior year in high school might be a contributing factor? i think it’s the layer of insulating fat that i lost.

a good problem to have.

bird in the reeds

happy birthday??

long time no write. i must warn you, i’m feeling down.

today’s my birthday. i feel reflective.

i feel down, way down.

uncertainty rules the roost, both in the near term and the long term.

in the short term, i’m having some interpersonal problems. a co-facilitator, someone i could trust, had three violations of my trust in one day. you might try to say well, it was just one day it’s okay;. it’s no biggie. it’ll blow over. don’t. they were totally uncalled for and hurtful. in an tempt to practice fairness, i got waylaid, bushwhacked, cut off at the pass, tanya harding-ed. i really want to resolve this, like by tomorrow. tomorrow is our meeting. i don’t want to go to the meeting where i’ll let here get away with some half-ass contrition that leaves me unresolved. i don’t want to go because it’s would scream there’s something wrong and i fear she may try to rush in to fix it with some half-ass contrition that will leave me feeling unresolved. i want more than an admission of wrong, i want an apology for the wrongs done, for the hurts the events have caused.

oh, sure i’ve been trying to get something lined up with the group coordinator. she’s been on vacation along with we just crossing paths, leaves a potentially short window in which to get things done. i do recognize about 5 potential outcomes and i have an action plan for each. doing that gave me incredible peace. i know and trust the coordinator to allow me to speak my peace and would stand by my side until i feel resolved. just that it’s dragged out so long and has the potential of dragging out even long kicked up the uncertain, uncomfortableness, and serious anxiety producing levels.

image i have a support group that go to every second wednesday. today happens to be that day. i really want to go to the meeting to get support for were i am at. on the other hand, it’s my birthday; i can miss a day. on top of that, to top it off, there’s uncertainty of what Mary has planned for the day. normally, that wouldn’t be a problem if i were in a healthy state or even a depressed state. just finding myself in what feels like a transition state, takes this one tiny happening and adds it to the fires of uncertainty. i still can’t tell you what i want or will to do with this evening.

uncertainty begets uncertainty.

all this short-term uncertainty have got me asking the three deadly questions: where have i been?, where am i now? and where am i going? being this mixed state has caused me to look at these questions with a little too much cynicism, pessimism and lack of optimism. in the past, i see opportunities missed, wrong decisions made, and unfulfilled potential. in the present, i feel lost, unresolved, inadequate, and afraid. with the future, i feel mostly afraid, afraid of what lay ahead, afraid if i can handle it and i finding myself asking the question, “how?’.

as the beetles say, they say it’s your birthday. i wish it wasn’t. all this uncertainty and the anxiety it generates casts a pall on the day. i know it doesn’t always happen, and i know it’s not likely not happening today, but i would like a day full of happiness, joy and peaceful and gentle reflection.