Category Archives: checkin

reflections off the water

a turn

this a quick rundown on last week’s post. the basics are people who have the mthfr, like me, don’t process enough folic acid. folic acid partly breaks down into methylfolate which is a building block for many neurotransmitters. these neurotransmitters help the cells in the brain communicate. there is pretty good scientific evidence that a shortage of neurotransmitters partly contributes to depression. click here to see by last post and explore this more in depth. read on for the good news

red barn

a mthfr

a few years back, i had a genetic test done. one thing it showed i had the mthfr mutation. that’s not completely surprising since about one in three people have that mutation. if you add some appropriate vowels and consonants in appropriate places, you’ll see what i think of this mutation.
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hang in there…a little tree hangs on to a rock

the moms i never had

 i write this with a tear in my eye, a tear of happiness, mind you. my happiness is for the two moms currently in my life, moms that i never had.

i have to back up and give you some background on my biomom. she wanted us kids to learn on our own. that was even obvious at the ripe old age of four. i had just gone through a traumatic event with my sister (click here for the…rest of the story). we where told to stop crying.

it may blow your mind, but i can only remember one meaningful conversation with the woman. we were sitting around the table the week i graduated from college. we were talking about something that i struggled with in high school. i asked her why she didn’t say anything. she replied, “i wanted you to learn on your own.

learning to live on your own in healthy doses leads to independence. unfortunately, when taken to the extreme, isolation follows. that leads to making it hard to ask for help. since i never learned how to ask for help, stuffing in many aspects of life follows, which contributes depression.

that makes for a slippery slope. my slope is genetically greased with chicken fat. that makes the slide even more slippery.

i’m spent many years wandering in the desert since biomom died. then again, i spent most of my life absent of a nurturing mother figure.

i can say i’ve reached the promised land as i now have two nurture-moms. they each are different, but they each feed me. they each treat me how i envision a mom treating me. they support me through my life journey. that’s invaluable. i just have to learn how to unlearn years of isolation so i can be a better son to them.

ava is my first mom i’ll mention. (click here to see her blog. it’s a little sparse right now as she had to start anew.) she calls herself my step-mom but that sells herself short. she has told me she see me as one of my sons.

we met through our blogs. who ever said nothing good ever came out of blogs is dead wrong. i sent her an invite to my 25th anniversary party but she couldn’t get a ticket from texas to seattle on short notice. she was there is spiri,t though.

we have since graduated to phone conversation. each one has been meaningful and packed with advice, but not overbearing advice. every call she says that’s she’s been praying for me or that she will. the little texas drawl makes it seem so sincere.

she’s the reason i was crying at the start of this. we were finishing up a call and she helped me work through a couple of things, unlike biomom ever did. that brought great joy to me being supported the way it was suppose to happen. additional there wasn’t the mention of food or weather, staples of my the meaningless conversations with biomom.

at that point, a second name popped to mind. I call her friend but that sells judy short.

one thing i like about her is the exchange of ideas. yep, in a parent/child relationship i believe in a two way flow of ideas. she teaches me. i teach her.
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purple berries…

i went to my dermatoigist

i spent the usual and customary 15 minutes in the front waiting room. the nurse came and got me. the walk to the exam was a long and winding walk. good thing they had cheese in the examine room, otherwise we mice would have never found it.

next, i had 2 or 3 minutes with the nurse. she asked the standard nurse type questions. she asked to see my neoplasm of uncertain behavior, or as i call it, noub. i showed it to her. she asked if i wanted a gown. i passed. off she went and i waited for the doctor.

The doctor arrived and we spent the first thirty seconds talking about my vibram five fingers shoes. the vibrams are almost always a a point of discussion. i had to wear them once as my formal shoes on a cruise. i forgot my formal shoes.


the doctor asked to see the noub. i hopped on the table and pulled up my shirt. while asking me how long i had the noub, he grabbed and antiseptic wipe. i told him as the wipe went across the back. he showed me the wipe and the noub. this will we anticlimactic. the noub ended up to be a scab. done in under 60 seconds and that’s with 30 seconds talking about my shoes.

don’t you hate when there’s a bunch of worry for no good reason at all?

rock in the water

my little global global

it’s been a long time in coming and i’d like to thank my mom, my dad, brothers, sisters, oh, and Mary, my wife. why? my leet award, 1337.


 leet is short for eleet and is original an award reserved for higher ups in the bbs , bulletin board, mostly pre-internet, era which granted them special privileges. in the wordpress world leet is achieved when a blog reaches 1337 likes for the blog posts.

after a bit of history, now back to your regularly scheduled posts.

another view of the tatoosh range

tip-toe through the tulips

we are fortunate enough to live about 1 hour from some of the largest tulips 🌷 field in the world. Mary, the boyz and i took a trip last friday. below are some pictures from our trip.
what’s your favorite?

bakery counter

tall red & yellows

red & white

tall reds

splash splash

deep red

peach & pink

purple & white

field of view

picture of barn

field o’ colors

sea of blue

daffodil

one of my favs

purple & red

red’s & purples

peach & blue

yellow tulips

smellin’ a flower

he went that way

feeling so alone

bird in the reeds

somewhere between heaven and hell

so, so you think you can tell
heaven from hell…

roger/gilmour waters

i’ve seen my heaven and i’ve seen my hell. heaven occupied much of my early life, before my long and deep depression. sure, the golden streets didn’t exist and i didn’t really need them. things seldom seemed to go as planed, but as the story goes, that’s life. i could find at least some satisfaction in what i did and what i had become. sure, i had my depressive struggles, but I for the most part could manage.

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