Category Archives: checkin

bird in the reeds

somewhere between heaven and hell

so, so you think you can tell
heaven from hell…

roger/gilmour waters

i’ve seen my heaven and i’ve seen my hell. heaven occupied much of my early life, before my long and deep depression. sure, the golden streets didn’t exist and i didn’t really need them. things seldom seemed to go as planed, but as the story goes, that’s life. i could find at least some satisfaction in what i did and what i had become. sure, i had my depressive struggles, but I for the most part could manage.

Continue reading

purple berries…

when non-suicide pacts go bad

here i go again talking about what shouldn’t be talked about. it’s looking like an obsession, i’m sure. often times obsessed talk about the ese word comes from someone contemplating their own life. don’t worry, i’m far, far away from the edge. this post is about the time i got way too close to the ragged edge. Continue reading

great blue heron

the blog name change

please don’t mind the dust as we finish our reconstruction.

you may have noticed i changed the name of the blog for bipolarsojourner to facing off with the big d. i have a few reasons.

  • i don’t have bipolar. my psychiatrist fed me a rushed diagnosis at the end of our first meeting. when i questioned him on our next meeting he said i don’t have bipolar but multiple cycles of depression like i have had experienced are best treated like bipolar.
  • i didn’t change the name of the blog at that time; i didn’t want to lose my many  followers (said with a bit of sarcasm considering current numbers and that was about 4 years ago with numbers much lower, about 25).
  • maybe i don’t play the game right, but i see other of my blogger friends that have been blogging far less time than me and they have followers numbers nearing or in the thousands. myself, i’m nearing 200 and might make it by june. (wahoo!)
  • hoping the facing off with the big d will be a little less scary than having bipolar in the title.
  • hoping for more click throughs of people teetering on a visit and snag them at that time.

It will still be the same writing style and hopefully stuff that people find interesting, intriguing, ingrossing(sp)(i wanted the tic tac toe, three i’s in a row),  helpful information. There will the occasional poems and posts about the crazy things the boyz do imageand why not they are an important part of my life.

 

stick around; there will be much, much more to come!

seattle japanese garden panorama

sink…sunk

no, i’m not trying to conjugate a verb…
about a month ago, i notice our under the counter mounted kitchen sink starting to separate from the counter. i figured we’d have a while before things would get serious, so i just let it be. Mary noticed the gap and I told her we’d have to do something about it.

i did some research and under mount sinks. when mounted correctly, there is silicone to fill the gap between the sink and countertop and then clips to hold the sink in place. the thing is many installer, like ours, leave off the clips. then, when 7-10 years go by, it’s way past any warranty and the sink drops.

i woke up to the hopes and expectation to watch the rose parade. instead, i woke to, “stephen, the sink has completely fallen!” I when to check and indeed the sink had completely fallen. well, there goes the rose parade. I had done some research, so I went about the business of remounting the sink. i emptied all the stuff from under the sink and disconnected all the plumbing and freed the sink.

i wondered if maybe the sink got bent in the process of falling. yep, on the long axis it got bent about 5/8 in. holding in the center and pulling up on one end, i got the bend down to 1/8 in. try as i may, i couldn’t get the 1/8 in bend out of the long axis. i didn’t expect any bend in the short axis but i checked anyway. it too had an 1/8 in bend. since there would be no good pivot point on the short axis, there would be no way to bend it back to true. with the bend in both directions of the sink, even after i got it remounted, it would be always pulling away from the bottom of the counter. inventually, the continued pressure of the bend could cause another gap. the sink was toast.another $300 later, i had secured the same model of the sink. i wasn’t going to be like the previous installer, so i went about finding fasteners to physically attach the sink to the bottom of the countertop. a little bit of internet search and i discovered my options and went about finding the clip. on news years day, the existence of those clips turned out to be far less than a dime a dozen. maybe i just checked the wrong source but by the ned of the day, i hadn’t found any clip.

so, at the end of day 1, i have a sink, a hole in my counter were i want the sink to be, no way to physically and properly attach it, with the hope i’ll find it the clips at a local plumbing supply store. in absence of that, i know of a source of clips but i’d like to avoid the hour and half round trip, especially since jimmy has also earned a trip to the vet today.

day 2: after a grand total of 9 trips to different stores, i had secured clips. Mary got home late, so we’ll reattach the sink tomorrow.

tonight i realize i’m certain that i’m horrible as a depressed person

today Mary, my wife, wanted to make a special dinner in thanksgiving for a wonderful christmas we had. things didn’t go as planned.

the pears at the store weren’t ripe enough to make the dessert she wanted make. she texted me saying saying the house will smell great when i got home. it didn’t. it smelt like something had seriously burnt in the oven. insert foot in mouth, i vocalized that. the rib roast she got, from the butcher no less, turned out to be far less than stellar. at least the brussel sprouts turn out scrumptious. okay, call us weird; we both like brussel sprouts.

tonight, she turned into a true, died in the wool, inconsolable mop monster. she seem incredibly disappointed and sad. though i realize i’m suppose to be there, her mood is an incredible turn off. this will probably last all the way until morning.

compare and contrast to the deep part of my last cycle that lasted about 4 years. instead of day of mopiness, there were 1460 days of mopiness equivalence! that’s a long time of being down and out. it’s also a long time to be around someone who is down and out. no wonder she’d got short with me at times. it’s understandable. she really needs to be put up for sainthood for seeing things through to the other side.

no wonder wonder she took every opportunity to escape the hell hole that is my depression. mopey days that stretch on for far too long.

clouds and sunlight

the boyz christmas

Mary & i do not have children. that doesn’t mean that the day isn’t eagerly awaited by the boyz. the excitement start to build as soon as the presents start to come out. here’s a picture of our tree before present opening.


wait, where’s the presents under the tree? they are here, there on top of the entertainment center.

that’s a strange place, you may say. let me explain.

every year, their auntie sends them gifts. one year. we already placed the dog gifts up from previous dog gift experiences. one year, we thought we’d let them open their gifts. how cute.  after a couple of years we came home with some of auntie’s gifts to us, open. ah, the presents were guilty by association as they shipped with dog treats. more presents moved to the top of the entertainment center.

all seemed quiet for a couple of years. then…we came home to non-associated presents ripped open. what? the association with dog treats didn’t exists. we figured our boyz had been introduced to a drug, had it taken away and had to find a source. they were hooked. they needed their fix in whatever way they could. hence, all presents now live on top of the entertainment center.

that’s not to say the christmas is a bore. they still get to open their presents.

   
they will also wait in eagar anticipation as we  open our presents.

they even help open our gifts.


why? the love shread paper down to the size of a deck of cards. their work isn’t done until then.

here’s a video of the aftermath.

you may say, but i see some big pieces of paper in that video. yea, they have acquired a decerning taste. some paper just doesn’t pass muster. they know good paper from bad paper, or put another way, god drugs from bad drugs.

i close with my wish for you, a christmas full of gift not done up in ribbons and bows, gifts to big to hold, not a thing except in your heart.