the moms i never had

 i write this with a tear in my eye, a tear of happiness, mind you. my happiness is for the two moms currently in my life, moms that i never had.

i have to back up and give you some background on my biomom. she wanted us kids to learn on our own. that was even obvious at the ripe old age of four. i had just gone through a traumatic event with my sister (click here for the…rest of the story). we where told to stop crying.

it may blow your mind, but i can only remember one meaningful conversation with the woman. we were sitting around the table the week i graduated from college. we were talking about something that i struggled with in high school. i asked her why she didn’t say anything. she replied, “i wanted you to learn on your own.

learning to live on your own in healthy doses leads to independence. unfortunately, when taken to the extreme, isolation follows. that leads to making it hard to ask for help. since i never learned how to ask for help, stuffing in many aspects of life follows, which contributes depression.

that makes for a slippery slope. my slope is genetically greased with chicken fat. that makes the slide even more slippery.

i’m spent many years wandering in the desert since biomom died. then again, i spent most of my life absent of a nurturing mother figure.

i can say i’ve reached the promised land as i now have two nurture-moms. they each are different, but they each feed me. they each treat me how i envision a mom treating me. they support me through my life journey. that’s invaluable. i just have to learn how to unlearn years of isolation so i can be a better son to them.

ava is my first mom i’ll mention. (click here to see her blog. it’s a little sparse right now as she had to start anew.) she calls herself my step-mom but that sells herself short. she has told me she see me as one of my sons.

we met through our blogs. who ever said nothing good ever came out of blogs is dead wrong. i sent her an invite to my 25th anniversary party but she couldn’t get a ticket from texas to seattle on short notice. she was there is spiri,t though.

we have since graduated to phone conversation. each one has been meaningful and packed with advice, but not overbearing advice. every call she says that’s she’s been praying for me or that she will. the little texas drawl makes it seem so sincere.

she’s the reason i was crying at the start of this. we were finishing up a call and she helped me work through a couple of things, unlike biomom ever did. that brought great joy to me being supported the way it was suppose to happen. additional there wasn’t the mention of food or weather, staples of my the meaningless conversations with biomom.

at that point, a second name popped to mind. I call her friend but that sells judy short.

one thing i like about her is the exchange of ideas. yep, in a parent/child relationship i believe in a two way flow of ideas. she teaches me. i teach her.

she is the easiest conversationalist i have even found. we’ve had hours long conversation. that’s pretty rare for me since so often the proverbial cat’s got my tongue. add to that our talks and walks. that gets me outsides and that’s always a good thing.

i have know judy longer and she lives across town, so she couldn’t use the excuse of no plane ticket. she made it to our 25 anniversary party. unfortunately, i felt overwhelmed with the number of people so i visibly hid, surely missing another great conversation with her.

our textversation are hoot. it’s a regular occurrence that one or both are left cracking up. in some instances the textversation will end up with yawns but that still generates laughter.

at this stage in my life, i’m thankful i have two moms. i know they will try their darnest, with very little effort, to fill a long vacant hole. one nurture-mom isn’t better than the other. the positive thing about two moms, i can mix and match and get so very close to the perfect mom i never had.