Tag Archives: worry

clouds and sunlight

coming to terms with the thing that imprison me

have you ever noticed the spinning cycles of depression which seem to be there whether in cycle or not? I surely have.

sadness leads to sadness which leads to even more sadness. sadness seems to become an all encompassing self-fulfilling struggle.

fear leads to fear which leads to even more fear. fear seems to become an all encompassing self-fulfilling struggle.
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great blue heron

the anxiety battle

my friend has had a near life–long battle with anxiety. now her daughter, who is about 8, faces a continual struggle with anxiety. she was looking for some ideas so i passed along some that would hopefully be helpful to her and her daughter. i realize that i could also benefit from the “medicine” i gave her. my hope is it might help you, too.

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reflections off the water

i hate mean neighbors

remember good fences make good neighbors? to recap, i completely paid for a new fence and one neighbor has given me nothing but grief each step of the way. i have tried to distance myself the best that I can and yet there are still two potential points of conflict and contention that lurk on the horizon.

the first being finishing our side of the fence. we are using an oil based stain which has the consistency of water, dark water mind you. i did a sample section of the fence and ran into three concerns any of which will send her ballistic. (1) great care will have to be taken so the stain doesn’t run over the top of the board, (2) the stain could leak through knots which are open enough and, (3) stain bleed through if there is enough gap between the boards. I can meticulously stain her section of the fence, yet I fear the smallest mistake will send her ape shit, yet again.

i also plan to put pavers under the fence to hopefully minimize wicking of the water from the bottom of the fence. i would like to straddle the fence line for better protection. she doesn’t want the pavers on her side of the fence so she has asked that the pavers not extend beyond her side of the fence board. the fence board itself is only a half-inch thick, so i even plan a quarter-inch set back, hopefully limiting her opportunity to complain. I fear that complain she will. she’ll simply look at the pavers and ever though they will not extend onto her side, she’ll defy the laws of mathematics and claim that they do. she’ll have another opportunity to go ape shit, yet again.

maybe i’m awfulizing, but her history indicates something different.

li feel a little how dorothy and her troop from the wizard of oz felt. even though they seldom saw their wicked witch, that constantly lived in fear of her. i have my own wicked witch to the east. i will currently live in fear of her and her next dispatch of flying monkeys.
The fear runs strong. I felt tired at 10:30, which is a rarity, came to bed and immediately started to worry/fear about her next response, what her next flock of flying monkeys will attempt to do. it nears 3:30 and still can not sleep. i know that she doesn’t deserve this power but her history as a bully frightens me.

until i finish this fence project, am able to splash water on her, click my heels together three times and return to my kansas, free from her evil domain, she will continue to hold way too much sway over me.

screw wicked witches! they suck! let’s burn them at the stake.