frightened v. to fill with fear or alarm
why would i be frightened? jimmy, by far and away the best dog i had, respiration rate has shot up. Continue reading
Mary & i do not have children. that doesn’t mean that the day isn’t eagerly awaited by the boyz. the excitement start to build as soon as the presents start to come out. here’s a picture of our tree before present opening.
that’s a strange place, you may say. let me explain.
every year, their auntie sends them gifts. one year. we already placed the dog gifts up from previous dog gift experiences. one year, we thought we’d let them open their gifts. how cute. after a couple of years we came home with some of auntie’s gifts to us, open. ah, the presents were guilty by association as they shipped with dog treats. more presents moved to the top of the entertainment center.
all seemed quiet for a couple of years. then…we came home to non-associated presents ripped open. what? the association with dog treats didn’t exists. we figured our boyz had been introduced to a drug, had it taken away and had to find a source. they were hooked. they needed their fix in whatever way they could. hence, all presents now live on top of the entertainment center.
that’s not to say the christmas is a bore. they still get to open their presents.
they even help open our gifts.
here’s a video of the aftermath.
you may say, but i see some big pieces of paper in that video. yea, they have acquired a decerning taste. some paper just doesn’t pass muster. they know good paper from bad paper, or put another way, god drugs from bad drugs.
i close with my wish for you, a christmas full of gift not done up in ribbons and bows, gifts to big to hold, not a thing except in your heart.
well, if you want to call it a dream, more like a nightmare.
Mary and i came home to jimmy not being home. in a dream, mind you. thankfully, this time, unlike last time, it wasn’t my fault. he had been gone 2-3 days.
Mary, not unexpectedly and justifiably, acted hysterical. I tried to calm her down just enough to lay out a plan of how we would go about, hopefully getting him back. I woke up.
it’s 3:00 am. the dream felt so real, it broke the dream wake barrier. the knot of fear resides in my gut. it’s a tight and persistent one. it’s not real, it’s not real, i try to convince myself to no avail.
i decided to make life real. jimmy had set up residence on the floor last night. i went and got him, returned to bed. “see, it’s not real, it’s not real,” trying yet again to convince myself. i tried to be logical with myself, “how could he be lost and you are holding him?” the fear continued to grip me.
next, i turned to acceptance. “this is fear. it’s not a monster. it’s just trying to tell me that i fear a life without jimmy since he is the best dog in the world! it’s just fear, it’s just fear. don’t be afraid of it, don’t run from it,” i say trying to convince myself. the knot shows it first sign of loosening, but it still has a dead grip on my night.
it is now 7:00 am. jimmy lays next to me with his head resting on my thigh. Mary lay on the other side of jimmy checking out facebook. sherlock rests on the floor next to the bed.* me? I still feel the knot of fear in my gut. i almost got it to loosen enough to get back to sleep, but that didn’t happen. the day lays in front of me, a guess with a little less sleep. hopefully the knot of fear will let got; it isn’t real.
* no, it’s not an injustice that jimmy can come on the bed and sherlock can’t. sherlock had a bad back, a mind of his own, and needs to change position every half hour or so. maybe he’ll jump down one of those times and hurt his back. then the entire family feels miserable, hoping that we are able to convalesce him back to health.
my wife went to kansas city to visit her older sister. i stayed back with the boyz. one night, we headed out to a local county campground, flowing lake. we’ve been there before. it’s a quick escape and has a nice feel to it. for just a little while, i can feel just a little less depressed.
upon arriving, we got our bearings and got our humble campsite setup.
after that, we headed out for an afternoon walk and saw such things as this.
I enjoy this time of year. the salmon berry blossoms are so much more delicate than the other flowering berries, especially the black or himalaya berries.
after getting back to the campsite, dad futz with the fire. the firewood had been seasoned for nearly two years, but still a little wet from recent rains. that made it all the more challenging. eventually, the boyz got bored. nothing like a stick to keep then entertained.
sherlock kept wanting bigger and bigger sticks until settling on his gateway drug, small logs!
papa continue to futz, then he saw the boyz dinner time had past! maybe that’s why they were eating stick! whoops! papa forgot the dog bowls. guess a newspaper…
…and a log…
…will have to do!
papa had dinner himself and finally got the fire going well enough to produce heat.
the sounds of our fire
we ran out of wood, let the fading fire burn down and headed off to bed.
jimmy sleeps cool, so he joined me in the sleeping bag. sherlock sleeps warm, so he either slept on a nearby blanket or the crook of my bend legs. for almost the entire night, we had the frogs serenading us.
at one point, the frogs had pretty much settled down, the chirping nearly disappearing. i heard a train whistle in the distance. the frogs did, too. i think they were afraid they were about to be run over, because there croaking kicked up a notch or two. I think they responded similarly to the who’s is horton hears a who, “we are here! were here! we are here!”
things that go bump in the night, or howl. whats the difference.
at some point, early in the night, we heard what could best be described as a banshee cry. if you have seen the movie up, it sounded kinda like kevin, the bird calling for his lost birdettes. jimmy, being the curious type, wanted to go check it out. i would have none of that since he is my protection. in a few minutes, i got him to settle back down.
now what’s that sound?
later on, we heard yet another sound, it started as a load crackle, following by natural crashing sound, followed by a swoosh. somewhere near the beginning of it, i figured a tree had pick that time to topple. kinda strange since no breeze of any kind existed. I remember early on in the sound stream thinking, “man that’s close! I hope that doesn’t land on my tent!” thankfully, it didn’t. again, jimmy, being the curious type, wanted to go check out what made that sound. i would have none of that since he is my protection. in a few minutes, i got him to settle back down.
evening came and morning followed, the next day
i knew dawn couldn’t be that far away, when the birds greeted me with their varied calls. they wake up and first light and let everyone and anyone know it’s about time for the sun to come up.
wake up time
eventually, we had to get up, too. we went on a morning walk. we couldn’t find the tree that nearly smashed our tent; it must have been further away than i thought. now, you might be thinking i must of hallucinated about hearing the tree fall. if i did, jimmy hallucinated at the exact time as me as he too jumped to attention at the sound.
i also got some more pictures:
go to my flowing lake album to see more pictures.
eventually, my time there came to an end. i packed up and headed for home. it ended up being a brief respite from my current nemesis, mr. depression. on my way home, unfortunately, i felt my thick fog beginning to return. i am thankful for my short get away lifting the currently dark mood if only for a brief time.