i find myself talking about the thing we shouldn’t talk about for the second time in a week. it’s not my fault because my friends bring it up and i want to share about the subject and hopefully have some words that may help you with a struggle you face for yourself or a friend.
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I had a friend text me this morning, she said she didn’t like to hear about other people’s suicides. she had enough time dealing with her own humanity.
I have spent way too much thinking and stewing about suicide. Also, havau22 recently stirred some of of my thoughts. Here they are.
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after much struggle, thought and deliberation, I have crafted my answer to my relative’s suicide. (I hate that word) without further ado:
imagine for a moment if someone near and dear to you decided the the minuses in their life outweighed the pluses, if they didn’t see a reason to go on with life, if they did the act that no one dares speak of. in looking back…
would-ju-of looked past your anger and resentment?
would-ju-of looked past a friendship that had seemingly drifted?
would-ju-of been more forgiving for phone calls not returned?
would-ju-of been more willing to listen to how they really felt?
would-ju-of looked past your own struggles a little more often?
would-ju-of looked past your fear and ignorance of the situation?
would-ju-of tried to break through the wall that stood between you and them no matter how tall or wide?
would-ju-of been a little less pushy?
would-ju-of tried to be more understanding?
would-ju-of reached out more often?
would-ju-of run from their tough spots a little less often?
would-ju-of have tried to be a little bit more supportive?
would-ju-of been more willing to hold them when they were in their tough spot?
would-ju-of been a little less critical?
would-ju-of projected hope more often?
would-ju-of made more of an effort to check in with them?
do you know someone that is really struggling? do you know someone who is a few shades past blue? do you know someone who is living on the ragged emotional edge?
perhaps it’s not to late…
reach out to them.
give them a call.
sit with them.
support them.
give then an atta boy.
smile at them.
hug them.
fix them a meal.
invite them to do something.
admit that you haven’t always been the best of support.
learn more about their condition.
listen.
acknowledge their presence.
let them know that they are important to you.
go for a walk with them.
take them to the movies.
get them some chocolate.
get them some flowers.
do anything to make them feel special.
let them know that you love them.
let then know that you care.
…before it’s to late.
hyundai europe has a car powered with hydrogen. It runs on a new technology called fuel cells. one of the drawbacks is hydrogen is hard to transport and also hard to find. the big advantage is the exhaust is 100% water vapor. nothing more, nothing less.
in my oh so humble opinion, hyundai has taken a questionable tack to advertise it. They show a man, running a tube, taping up windows and sitting and waiting. but water vapor doesn’t do the trick, so he gives up in frustration.
hyundai?? really?? trying to commit suicide is funny?? no. not funny. not funny in the least. the commercial insensitive. it’s outrageous!
hyundai europe has since backed track initially saying that they did not authorize the commercial. really? the commercial got put together by a wholly owned subsidiary of hyundai.
Ian Tonkin, a spokesman with Hyundai U.K. said, “Hyundai understands that the video cause offense, We apologize unreservedly. The video has been taken down and will not be used in any of our advertising or marketing.”
this is hyundai america’s response.
We at Hyundai Motor America are shocked and saddened by the depiction of a suicide attempt in an inappropriate European video featuring a Hyundai. Suicide merits thoughtful discussion, not this type of treatment.
Some who lost their dad. warning: to avoid insensitive responses, don’t read the comments.
my last psychologist, Jacob Mathew, introduced me to the works of psychologist, Kirk Strosahl. i have made reference to his work before, the three i’s of depression. He has done work on Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, or ACT. this is a new, scientifically based psychotherapeutic modality that is part of what is being called the “third wave” in behavioral and cognitive therapy.
in The Suicidal Patient, Strosahl asserts that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. he contends that suicidal thoughts are a common place in human experience, and best understood in context of language and a problem solving strategies. the suicidal person considers trading the elimination of her/his distress and despair for their life. The distresses, whether it be external, financial problems, problems with the law, family or relationship problems, or internal like depression, anxiety, or psychotic breaks drive the despair. their thoughts goes to the elimination of distress as a short term gain. in the process, they overlook the long term and permanent side–effects of a suicide.
Strosahl attempts to shift the thoughts of the suicidal person: “while i recognize that you are in pain, can we discuss other possibilities of dealing with your distress that doesn’t require trading in your life?” he introduces the three i’s of depression, inescapable, interminable and intolerable. hopefully the person struggling can see themselves in one or maybe all three of the i’s. he then works to get the struggling person to see that these problems are temporary and they can be overcome.
with my most recent depressive episode, i notice i, for the most part have struggled with two of the three i’s, inescapable and interminable. if that’s all that is on my plate, i am free of suicidal ideations. the problem occurs when i add intolerable to the mix. at that point, my plate becomes too full and my despair starts to peak and taking my life starts to creep into my mind. that’s not a fun thought. thankfully, i have not struggled with intolerability recently, so thoughts of taking my life have dissipated.
looking at the three i’s, they are all a form of despair. it is the despair that causes problems, problems that can seem to big and overbearing. the challenge to me and other people struggling with suicidal thoughts is to replace the thought and feeling of despair with the opposite, hope. i can’t say i’m there, yet.
while not there, i have started a travel down the right path; at least i have hope that i can beat this despair. i guess that’s a good start.
facing off with the big d 