Tag Archives: despair

great blue heron

frozen (in)

my friend had a tough time with her sprained ankle. the pain impeded her ability and she self-admitted she was isolating.

it got to the point where she seemed to be coming out of her shell. we even planned to do something together. the next day, she came down with a cold. this ended up to be one of those horizontal colds. you might know about those; it’s a cold where not only is horizontal the preferred position, but it’s the only position. needless to say, our get together got postponed.

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return from lake 22

tolerating our dark emotions

i continue to sing the praises of the pixar movie, inside out. i have made so many fruitful discoveries since i saw the movie. it has been a powerful and learning process for me since seeing the movie.

for those of you who don’t know, inside out is about the emotions living inside the head of an eleven year old and how those responses color her world. i still shake my head in amazement that a supposed “kids” movie could do such and excellent treatment of emotions and emotional responses.

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a needle in a haystack

this is based on of a post by my blog friend shoe1000. I thank her for inspiring me.

imagine a haystack. the hay in the haystack represents all the noise of getting through depression. hiding in that stack are the potential keys for getting to the other side of depression. these could be anything from medications, friends, support groups, therapy or even your aunt mabel’s advice on how she made it through her depression by sitting in a mud bath daily until her depression went away, “Oh, in ’bout six months i reckon,” as those words still echo in your ears.

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to take or not to take

this week, i have had a question of my own mortality rolling around in my head. no, not i plan to find a tall bridge, more of a long term outlook. ya see, i had my annual physical this week and my cholesterol came back high. being a good modern doctor, she pushed statin drugs. do i take them or not? the question arises, why?

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bird in the reeds

2014 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

thanks to all my old and new readers, alike.  i reactivated my blog after a 14 month hiatus from, your guessed it, depression! more like despair. that sucked about 10 times worse than depression. depression, for me, feels like I have a fight change, despair, not so much. it feels more like i’ve been beaten.  personal advice, avoid despair at all cost! It has no redeeming values what so ever.

I feel thankful that hope has returned to my vocabulary. hopefully,  2015 will include publishing s new book. more about that later, though.

click on for the full report.

Click here to see the complete report.

reflections off the water

numb the dark and you numb the light–update

Face the dark to see the light. It seems counter-intutitive. But the last few days have borne that out for me.

Before Friday, despair ruled my life. It felt far worse than depression. Hope hovered at an all time low. Getting out of bed, took most of the energy I had. Thankfully for Mary, I managed to do that before she got home from work.

Then Friday came. I had a difficult day, first getting flooded, misusing the ultimate threat, running, and finally receiving the request to not come home. That had to be one of the worst days of my life. On Saturday, separation ruled the day as Mary and I stayed apart.

Something happened in those two days; the experiences forced me to face the dark. Darkness seemed to rule the days. Or did it?

The fog o’ despair lifted. The despair that had ruled my life for months had cleared. The light which couldn’t penetrate the fog had become visible. What a rapid and sudden change! and on the back of such horrid events!

I’m not out of the woods, yet. There is still much work to be done. While the despair  has completely cleared, the depression is still there at some level. Thankfully, it seems to be at a level that can be worked it and handled.

My challenge is to continue to keep looking at the dark, so I can continue to see the light. By doing that, I will be able to continue my journey out of the, now, nearly 22 month cycle. (Ug, that’s too long.)