reflections off the water

a turn

this a quick rundown on last week’s post. the basics are people who have the mthfr, like me, don’t process enough folic acid. folic acid partly breaks down into methylfolate which is a building block for many neurotransmitters. these neurotransmitters help the cells in the brain communicate. there is pretty good scientific evidence that a shortage of neurotransmitters partly contributes to depression. click here to see by last post and explore this more in depth.

i have been taking methylfolate for about two weeks now. it’s start was a little less than stellar. i was all over the place. i had a few day of emotional stability, then i crashed for a of couple days, finally, i felt positive movement for a couple a days.

nine days ago, i woke up a different man. i felt as if someone had flipped a switch. i felt the emotional stability as i had experienced a few day earlier. i also felt productive and had a flashlight light like focus. that doesn’t seem too focused but consider i had moonbeam like focus just a week prior.

lists of projects fell way; my bathroom got cleaned and removed from the nag list where it had been for a few weeks. the many years deep of sewing and mending pile disappeared, and the nearly unthinkable act of doing yard work happened with only the most minor of fusses.

one day, i had thirty minutes before i left for an appointment. in my depressive state, i would found one way other or another to waste that time. that day, i sat down and wrote.

my acts of compulsivity nearly evaporated. that over and over and over pattern disappeared.

someone who has only got to know me in the last 7 years might see me manic. the problem which that assertion would be it would be comparison between the now state and my depressive state. i was reaching a point where it was hard to believe that there was a life before or after depression. comparing now to the time before depression, those two time periods are much more comparable.

with that, i must make a pronouncement: these are the best 9 consecutive days i have in 7 years if not more[1]. i titled this post, a turn. why you may ask? because the last nine days represents a turn, a turn for the much better.

[1]don’t let the pronouncement be weakened by the fact that my last depressive cycle has been 7 years. the string of good days really hasn’t be repeated in a decade. i just picked a more conservative number.

4 thoughts on “a turn

  1. avaswan

    I am ecstatic to hear this wonderful turn for you sweet one. I have been praying for you and am so happy to know you are doing so well!💜 I have thought of you and worried and this is answered prayer!

  2. Mariah

    That darn mthfr gene! Just found out a few weeks ago that all of my maternal aunts and grandmother have a mutation, now scheduling an appointment to see about my sister and mother and myself. It is so good to know that you found that stability! I hope it continues for you!!

    1. bipolarsojourner Post author

      ya know, 30% of the population has the m*th*r f****r mutation. it doesn’t has to be a death sentence. then again, if you’re reading my blog, you’re probably like me: screwed. check out for lots of information.


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