roaring one little roar at a time

last week, i developed the idea of roaring or standing up for one selves. people who didn’t learn to roar, like me, sometimes run into troubles standing up for themselves in adulthood. after these discoveries, i decided i was going to locate my roar, to stand up for myself. here’s a couple of my roars.

if you have ever read one of my emails to tech support, they are overly thorough in an attempt to clarify the problem i am having. i did that again last week. i got back a reply where the rep proceeded to spell out the steps that i talked about in my initial email. i mean, did you even read my email? i hate when that happens and i felt more than a little bit miffed.

my first reaction was to drop it and let it go. as i processed that, i decided to take this opportunity to practice a small roar. so, without any anger or animosity, i replied stating that those were the steps i outlined in my initial email. that process, in a strange way, felt a little bit rewarding.

the second time came when i spent a little time with a good friend. we were talking about a shared situation where our stories couldn’t have been more diametrically opposed. in the situation, she felt like i had cast her in a horrible light, while i felt i bent over backwards to cast her in a good light.

we wrestled with this dichotomy and eventually i made the choice to roar. i expressed anger that she would think that i would cast her, a good friend, in a bad light. that did not go over well. within five minutes she walked out of the coffee shop. i was between her and the door, arms spread, the universal sign for a hug, along with a verbal offer, she walked right by and kept on walking.

that may sound like a horrible result for roaring practice. absolutely not. let me explain.

first of all, in the past, i would have had a huge initial wave of resentment, mentally back-petaling from my initial stance. not this time; i had every right to stand up to the mischaracterization of my action. Additionally, i had the right to be angry and express my anger. Since then, i realized that i felt a mixture of being mad and sad. Nevertheless, i still had the right to stand up for the mischaracterization and express my emotions.

yah, i felt sad that she walked away from me, but she did walk away from me. in the past, i would have broken into an immediate grovel begging for some kind of reconciliation. i reminded myself, she walked away from me, not the other way around. it’s her move. if a single expression of anger ends up sinking what i considered a strong relationship, i guess i misjudged the strength of the relationship. as stated, while i’ll be sad if the friendship ends, i won’t be losing a bunch of energy to it.

this will only embolden my roar. if i can have such seemingly awful results for a roar and not fall back into my old patterns, and see good come from a mess, dare i say, i might discover i have a backbone slightly more that a newt*, after all? i can hope.

all this came about because i made the conscious decision to find my roar. what looks like a horribly messy result of a practice roar, ended up to be a good lesson that i can stand up for myself. also, even though i could have back-peteled as i had done so many times in the past, i continue to stand by my roar. i question whether that would have been possible in the past.

*the newt, in biological classifications, is considered one of the lowest form of vertebrates. that may seem like self deprecating, but since last week i would have given myself a backbone of a jellyfish. that’s a huge step up.