tonight i realize i’m certain that i’m horrible as a depressed person

today Mary, my wife, wanted to make a special dinner in thanksgiving for a wonderful christmas we had. things didn’t go as planned.

the pears at the store weren’t ripe enough to make the dessert she wanted make. she texted me saying saying the house will smell great when i got home. it didn’t. it smelt like something had seriously burnt in the oven. insert foot in mouth, i vocalized that. the rib roast she got, from the butcher no less, turned out to be far less than stellar. at least the brussel sprouts turn out scrumptious. okay, call us weird; we both like brussel sprouts.

tonight, she turned into a true, died in the wool, inconsolable mop monster. she seem incredibly disappointed and sad. though i realize i’m suppose to be there, her mood is an incredible turn off. this will probably last all the way until morning.

compare and contrast to the deep part of my last cycle that lasted about 4 years. instead of day of mopiness, there were 1460 days of mopiness equivalence! that’s a long time of being down and out. it’s also a long time to be around someone who is down and out. no wonder she’d got short with me at times. it’s understandable. she really needs to be put up for sainthood for seeing things through to the other side.

no wonder wonder she took every opportunity to escape the hell hole that is my depression. mopey days that stretch on for far too long.

This entry was posted in checkin, depression, history, Mary and tagged , on by .

About bipolarsojourner

i have struggled with episodic depression for years. i then received a diagnosis of being bipolar, only to find out i didn’t. ends up my psychiatrist really meant to say that multiple bouts of depression are often best treated like bipolar. i had already started this blog as bipolar sojourner and didn't want to switch it over. i am documenting my journeys through my depression jungle.

3 thoughts on “tonight i realize i’m certain that i’m horrible as a depressed person

  1. avaswan

    I know what you mean, I even hate being around myself. I think the one suffering the most is the depressed one though. I hope it gives her more understanding of you when you have it for so long!

    Reply
    1. bipolarsojourner Post author

      nami support groups have 12 principles which are what we strive for as we come to terms with our mental illnesses. principle #7 states we won’t judge anyone’s pain as less than or own. it was an aha moment for me when i had my pain delivered by depression, but Mary had her own sets of pain due to my depression. it’s got to difficult to see a loved one be a slug day after day. that’s got to be a drag. i personally have no idea whose pain is worse.

      Reply

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