i didn’t have the easiest life growing up. there existed one case of physical abuse. that pales in comparison to the emotional abuse perpetrated through the lack of anything close to the unconditional love that would have allowed me to thrive. that lack of love, the message of i’m okay with who and where i am, not only holds me back, it fuels the downward spiral into depression. feeling broken, i lack self-confidence. lacking self-confidence, i don’t try to move on. by not trying, at best i can’t move forward and at worst get sucked into the downward spiral.
all of that creates a lot of pain in my heart. that pain binds me up and leaves me in an inescapable squirm. the ropes that bind me hinder any forward progress, but how can i lose those ropes that bind, lose the anger and resentment?
first towards the object of my eyer, yep, even the very man who couldn’t dole out anything close to unconditional love to me deserves compassion. for reasons unknown to me, he didn’t get the love he needed, certainly not enough to pass it on to the next generation. i find that sad. people, more so my father deserved that love. it his lifetime the anger and resentment held me back, but at least now, i can see even he can and does deserve love.
then there is the much larger struggle with self-compassion. i have developed my idea of love traveling through life. it includes a huge helping of the unattainable unconditional love, of complete acceptance. the message of you’re okay where you are and who you are fell on my ears on a far to0 infrequent basis. that chasm between what i got and the unattainable goal of perfect unconditional love becomes an open pit which makes me pissed, angry and disdainful. i want to be over there living in nirvana, the land of milk and honey and that seems completely unattainable. how can i get there?
self-compassion. since i am not a perfect communicator, there is only one person in my life that can completely understand my perfect love. so, if i am the only person who truly knows my idea love i’m the best source of getting it.
when i too often find myself as the quivering blob in the corner, i can be pissed, angry, and disdainful, i can sit there, stomping my feet screaming, ”i want to be over there.” on the other hand, with the gift of self-compassion, i can choose to wrap myself up in the blanket of the love that i so desire. with each additional wrap, i build a pile, pier, pier cap, beam or girder, building a bridge, moving me closer to that idea love i so desire.
i know my idea love. far too often, i find the gap between where i am today and where i want to be as a seeming unfillable gap. i now recognize that gap doesn’t have to be filled, but can be bridged with self-compassion. by working on the bridge, by using self-compassion, i move myself from the hate i often feel now, and closer to the love i have come to desire.
what keeps you from the love you desire? who is the best earthly source of that desired love?
It is still not posting my comments!!!
k, i check my dashboard and this comment posted but not any other ones on this post.
Trying one more time!
I hope this gets you up and going. I have got some comments from you, usually of the nature is this think working?
This comment required approval and usually that opens the commenting person to freely make comments.
If did doesn’t work, might I suggest that you unfollow and follow me. Hopefully, that would be enough to clear the cobwebs from the system.
My problem is my son, set up my my pass word and name. I can’t remember the right name and password and it won’t let me leave messages without them. I don’t know how to change them. I have tried but I am computer illiterate and my sons keep saying they will fix it but never have time. I try all the times you write to leave you messages and they usually don’t appear. Hope you get this and understand what’s going on.
Suggestion: Ask your son if he can remember the account name or you can try your email address as your the user name.
Now, go to the WordPress login page, enter your user names. There will be a button near the bottom, forgot password. This will use a process, most likely using email for you to reset your password.
It worked! Yea!
good to hear!
I had to get me a blog to be able to fix it. I did it by myself so hope all goes well. My blog is under avaswan which is my maiden name.
i’m sure you did just fine.
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