the last episode titled why do i need you? explored the near social requirement for individuals and and the human race as a whole. as usual the show came packed with lots of fascinating information.
the show talked of an experiment. in the experiment, the subjects played catch with two virtual players. the study monitored the brain as the game of catch went on. soon, the virtual players began to exclude the subject. as time went on, the virtual players completely eliminated the subject. at that time, the pain matrix, the parts of the brain that activate when feeling physical pain lit up in the subject.
just think of the ramifications. every time your friends go out without you, your pain matrix lights up. every time someone gets picked last on the playground, their pain matrix lights up. every time you have evidence that people are talking about you behind your back, your pain matrix lights up. every time a loved one pushes you away or rejects you, your pain matrix lights up. every time you don’t feel accepted your pain matrix lights up. every red check mark lights up the pain matrix since you get excluded from the cool group with each wrong answer. when brothers and sisters don’t call, my pain matrix lights up. that all sucks!
then i enter my way back machine, to my early childhood. every time my parents rejected me, my pain matrix lit up. many times I felt alone, I felt like I didn’t belong, and my pain matrix lit up. every time my parents couldn’t accept me for who i was and where i was, my pain matrix lit up.
i learned pain from an early age, and i have experienced the pain of not fitting in far too often. pain, sadly, has become second nature. i know pain far too well. that sucks!
let see. i isolate. when i isolate, i’m alone. when i’m alone, i feel excluded. when i’m excluded, my pain matrix lights up. and yet knowing this, i find it very hard to escape the isolation. that keeps me in a pain cycle. that sucks!