I have made some progress on bringing some semblance of order to my officew. i have no doubt that this will take time; years of crap doesn’t get cleaned up in one day or two.
my first pass has been strictly organizational. stuff has organized rather nicely into four piles. the piles are technology, sewing, books, and garbage. strangely, if you ask me, the piles are all about the same size. i am about a quarter to a third of the way through the office, and though it is nowhere near a surg center, there has been some progress. it is hard to see, i’ll admit, but it’s a start. hell. i fact that i even tried to take this on is a start.
i had kept my plans secret from Mary, hoping to spring it on her at some time. i decided tonight would be that night.
when she looked at the office, i saw on her face a look of a cross of somewhere between overwhelmed and disappointed. she seemed to see big picture instead of the progress. my satisfaction derived from my progress quickly sank. my bubble popped. she saw the forest, i’d tried to point out the tress, the progress i had made and the fact that had even tried to make progress. that didn’t really softened the her look that much. she did recognized my effort and progress, but it seemed like and afterthought, to placate me.
she also had some suggestions on how to progress and how to weed. to me, the whole affair felt like criticism to me. we just have different ideas on how to proceed.
i now have some level of doubt on my plan of attack. doubt is not good for me. it leads to uncertainty, which leads to fear, fear that i’m not doing a complete enough of a job, doing it inefficiently, or gawd forbid, doing it wrong .
I sure could of used a pick-me-up from Mary. today. instead i feel doubt, uncertainty and fear. i also feel a certain amount of sadness. I had hoped for a little more excitement from her, partly because the current state of my office is a trigger to her. i now i wished i would have waited a while longer before showing her the project.
i feel like my young project has already stalled out. i feel like shifting my focus to other projects around the house. i hope i can get this project moving, again. )|-: