reflections off the water

birthday blues

the sunday support group I attend ends on an up note where everyone gets the opportunity to find something good going on in their life. i said tomorrow was my birthday. I said that with utmost sincerity since i really felt joy about celebrating my birthday. this would be the first one in three years that i hadn’t found myself in a living hell. I went to bed with those same feelings.

birthday cakethen I woke up. I immediately felt a blue and melancholy feeling. where’d this come from? i can’t seem to put a finger on it. the morning has turned to early afternoon and the blue feeling seems to ebb and flow but it still permeates my date.

maybe the question rings in your  head, “did you miss a med?” i wish it where that easy, but no, i haven’t missed any mess recently.

maybe this feeling will just be there throughout my day. perhaps acceptance instead of fighting will give me more joy in the end. sigh.

12 thoughts on “birthday blues

  1. lindenforestbrook

    Happy birthday! I’m sorry you’re feeling blue- but there’s something about birthdays, anniversaries, etc getting so hyped up- and getting expectations up- that you almost feel disappointed at the whimper it seems to echo on the actual celebrationday 😔 I feel blue every major holiday, b day, etc- because I am expecting something (still haven’t figured out what) but I never get *exactly* what I’m expecting to feel. I got that way on my college graduation day- and I didn’t even go to graduation- or when I got my masters degree!! I was like- this is so anti-climatic…now what do I do?
    You’re not alone. I hope you find some cheer and solace in your b day somehow someway- even if it’s a simple hike out in nature 😎❤️

    Reply
    1. bipolarsojourner Post author

      thank you for your kind word and encouragement. funny, I usually approach “events” with and even sense of mind. that way it reduces the chance of failure. this time I felt up and i crashed and burned.

      better luck next time.

      Reply
      1. lindenforestbrook

        Yw 😊 I have done that so many times I too have adopted a personal motto of “expect the worst, hope for the best.” Lol- a pessimist with a twist I call myself 😄

        Reply
  2. Anxious Mom

    I hope those blues go away and that you have a pleasant birthday. I kinda relate, though, as that’s the feeling I usually get when I get excited about any event, be it birthday, Christmas, whatever.

    Reply
    1. bipolarsojourner Post author

      better today, but still not back to where i was.

      okay, from now on. just to be safe, the day before an event i’m just going to say that tomorrow will be the worst day i ever had. it’s almost certain it would have to be better than that. then, no crash.

      Reply

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