Monthly Archives: April 2015

a little bird sitting on a branch


recently happenings have reaffirmed some ideas and made clear other ideas. i find to be part of the discovery process called life.
i’ve  been talking about what happened with my sister for some two weeks now. some may say, “get over it.”, or “move on.” to which i say i haven’t reached a point where i can move on. and why not?
i feel emotions deeply. with what happened with my sister, others may feel mad or or upset; i feel infuriated. i mask it well from the years and years of living in the household in which i grew up. feelings were not allowed. not being allowed to feel emotions lead to them being stuffed or masked. that process also hinders the recovery process; it’s harder to recover from a elusive beast that keeps hiding. to top in off, the emotions are directed towards a member of my dysfunctional family. that makes it even harder to express emotions to her because of a familial patterns.
i often consider feeling deeply a blessing and a curse. here’s the curse. since i feel emotions so deeply, when i experience them, it creates a deep emotional chasm. the ravine that gets created has great depth and steep walls. the sheer nature of the chasm makes the travel out of it long and laborious. creating great struggles and strains along the way. sometimes it feels like scaling a tall peak where oxygen is rare, causing me to gasp for every breath i take. on the other hand, the recovery from a indentation created by a shallow emotional reaction can be exited effortlessly. the process can happen with little trial or tribulation, like a sunday stroll through the park.
in talking to my therapist the other day, i asked, “how do i recover from this a feeling like infuriation?” i felt more than a little bit disappointed when he answered, “i really don’t know since i only regularly recover from anger and seldom from deeper emotion like infuriation.” growl.
lacking an acceptable answer, my brain went to spinning; what does it take to recover from a deep emotional wound? my first thought went to what support could i use to recover? comfort came to mind. but, let’s face it, comforting is just another way to help someone be accepting of who they are and where they are. and anyone who a spent more than two weeks of reading my posts, i call this an acknowledgement. she shows her supportive head again
what does feeling acknowledged and supported really buy? how does it help? my mind spun again. in a moment of inspiration, it quickly dawned me. the real answer for recovery lay in acceptance.
the acknowledgement says, you find yourself inn a crappy place and that’s ok. and with that the process of acceptance starts. if you can’t at least notice the four ugly walls that surround you. how do you have a chance to make changes. the acknowledgement serves as a reminder of the ugly walls and hopefully creates enough strength for a further journey.
quickly, i realized the key to just about any recovery from emotional wounds can find its roots in acceptance. whether mad or infuriated, acceptance offers one way out.
as an example, i had a friend with whom i worked weekly on bettering our life. this went on for over ten years, doing activities like reading books and working through workbooks. we drifted. eventually, he decided he wasn’t getting out of it what he wanted. our weekly visits ended. i felt sad and disappointed. notice, those two emotions don’t qualify as deep, more shallow. sure, i struggled with the emotional wound of abandonment, feelings of being left alone. but, not being a deep wound, recovery happened relatively quickly.acceptance could easily be reached.
i am thankful for this discovery. the recognition of acceptance as one key to emotions recovery has already paid dividends. the energy surrounding the recent events with my sister has greatly dissipated. the trip out of the emotional chasm has seen significant progress.
life continues to school me. it has again shown me the beneficial nature of acknowledgments. being a student of life, i have also learned that one way to work on the healing of emotional wounds, no matter how deep, can be greatly aided through the process of acceptance. i feel overjoyed to add this tool to my emotional first aid kit. it’s not a cure all, there is still work to be done, but at least i can recognize one more tool to help me heal my emotional wounds.
mt rainier fron kendall catwalk hike

sad but true

as Mary and i drove home from her sister’s house for easter, i noted that I felt more comfortable with her family than my own. it’s not like i’m sleeping with any member of her family, well except for the person with whom i exchanged vows. 🙂

read for about the state of affairs with my family

night at the movies

Mary and i went to the movies tonight. we saw the women in gold, a movie about the rightful owner of a gustav klimt piece of art , Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I,finally returned to them.

Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I

here comes the funny part. Mary tends to fall asleep at the movie. tonight I kept her mostly awake by feeding her single kernels of pop corn on a regular basis. one time, i saw kernel split the lips make it half way through the front teeth and stop. the kernel sat their for a few seconds until i reminded Mary to chew. only then did her jaws go to work.

great blue heron

i would like to thank the academy-reprise

IMG_0320 well, i would like to thank depressionless from nominating me for the creative blogger award. thank you.





here arefive facts about me. 

1. my neutral buoyancy is about two feet deep. that makes if difficult for me to swim. not only to i have to swim forward, i also have to swim up. mary, who used to be on a swim team in high school, tried to give me swimming lessons. she started out with the request, “okay, float!” the human brick kicked in and i sunk.

2. i’ve done quilting. this the second quilt i ever did. oh, i made the frame, too.

a photo of my quilt og mt. rainier from summerland.

quilt of mount rainier from summerland.


3- i’m a freak for criminal minds. ion television feeds my binges three times a week, up to three hours at a time.

4- okay, anyone who has read my blog will know this; i suck at spelling and grammar. i’m just trying to get my message across and apologize if spelling and grammar gets in the way of hearing my message. part of the problem comes from the fact my mind moves about ten types faster than my fingers. on top of that, i find it difficult to proof my own work. when i proof, i read what i thought i wrote, not what i actually wrote.

5- i have never broke a bone in my life. okay, don’t tonya harding me. (wow, a personal noun as a verb; that’s an accomplishment! )

6-and just because i’m and overachiever, here’s number six. when my mind is on straight, i like to take photos. take a look at my walk with wonderment series. when i take photos, i try to take them with the wonderment of a four year old, where even a stick might be cool. also here is one of my recent favorites.

underneath a canopy at kubota gardens in south seattle.

underneath a canopy at kubota gardens in south seattle.










and here are my nominees:

shoe1000 has  been actively blogging longer than i. that says a lot since for the most part, many bloggers don’t last longer than three months. we’ve been at it over two years. a funny thing is we both dropped out of blogging due to the sometimes debilitating nature of depression and we came back to blogging at about the same time.

shrewed up faced stigmas that we all face daily when her supervisor told her that her posts where inappropriate. thankfully, she just changed the name of the blog and went on. she is a funny and caring woman. she even cares about people who can’t find ramen noodles in the grocery store ! 🙂


seedbud posts awesome pictures from her new england daily life. i feel in awe of just about every picture she posts.



one of my more recent follows. she produces thought provoking writing and poetry.
and for the people receiving nominations, here are the rules:

  • nominate blogs and notify all nominees via their social media/blogs
  • thank and post the link of the blog that nominated you (very important)
  • share 5 facts about yourself to your readers
  • pass these rules onto them