my wife has been pushing exercise recently. I definitely comprehend and understand that exercise would be good for me. hell, exercise and diet alone pulled me through my first depressive cycle. right now, i just can’t find the motivation to exercise. that leaves me with the damned if i do damned if i don’t dilemma.
option #1 – tell the truth
if I tell her the truth a couple of cascades most likely happen. I can almost imagine her martyrdom right now. “oh, i guess i shouldn’t of said anything in the first place, i guess I was wrong.”, she’ll say as she offers up a hearty serving of guilt. i can also imagine her face and the disappointment that would emanate from her. a healthy dose of judgement would ride along with disappointment. that disappointment would cause me to doubt my decision and doubt myself. sounds like a great choice, huh?
option #2 – don’t tell the truth
this choice has its own pitfalls. by telling her that i did exercise, she gets to live in this perceived happiness that i did like she asked. she’d be able to path herself on the back for a job well done. in the meantime, I only have to throw out values that i find integral and important to my life. i only have to deny my integrity and blow away my authenticity. these are only two of my most important values in my life, no biggie. questioning my foundational values always leads to struggle with how I value myself. see, i told you this choice had problems, too.
so there you have it, my damned if i do, damned if i don’t dilemma. chime in on your choice, if you wish.