I have been reading Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. i am currently working my way through a chapter on shame.
as i parsed my way through the list on why people feel shame, i read the line, “because we are stereotyped or labeled.” with that, i had a new found understanding about my journey with my mental disorder, why i felt “”unclean”. i came to recognize with that one little line, through that one little label, that one little stereotype, i had been thrown into a shame induced stupor.
and from my newly imparted wisdom from the chapter, my actions/reactions come into focus. one bit of wisdom is shame causes a disconnect. a second bit of wisdom is all humans desire connection.
that explains the crappy feeling i am experiencing right now. that explains why i feel unlovable. it all comes back to shame. all from one little label, one little stereotype.
that one little label, one little stereotype, has caused a disconnect. that disconnect has driven me further away from my primal desire to be connected. then to top it all off, the shame compounds itself because i feel bad and wrong for being further from the state of connectedness that i so desire. what a horrible place to be.
through this sharing, through this sign of vulnerability, i take a small step in rejecting the shame. i move closer to the connectedness i so desire.
it is now clear to me, i am on a journey back to a state of connectedness. this journey back will be long; i recognize the low state i am in, how shame has intertwined it’s way into my life. but as the saying goes, any thing worthwhile is worth working for. and through this journey, i hope to ignore the desire to pick up every hitch–hiker that sticks their thumb out to me, hoping for an easy ride, leaving shame along side the road a little more often.